GREENSBORO, N.C. — Raising children isn’t always easy. As children grow older, they develop their own opinions. However, it can be challenging for parents to let go when they disagree with the decisions their grown children who are 18 years old and older make. They’re legally an adult, and there’s nothing that parents can do. How do you, the parent, have a conversation about their decision?
Some parents get hot over their grown child’s decisions that they disagree with, and they can come across opinionated and not understanding. This will usually get their kid defensive. Instead, it’s more effective to ask questions first. Ask questions to understand your kid’s reasoning. When you have a good understanding of their reasons, it makes it easier to have a conversation. You can focus on their reasons instead of on them, which they could feel that you’re criticizing them.
To keep your adult kids' defensiveness at bay, ask them if they’ve considered X, Y, or Z. You can ask questions that get them to think. An example is “What would happen if….” Or, “What might you do if X, Y, or Z happens?” Because you asked questions to understand better the way they think about the particular situation, you can ask questions based on their reasoning. You can point out things that they haven’t considered.
When you, as a parent, feel strongly that your adult kid isn’t making the best decision, it can be hard to accept. You want what’s best for them. You want them to avoid the mistakes that you’ve made. And yet, they have free will and can make their own choices. You have to stand back and see what happens. This isn’t easy to do.
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