Alec Baldwin Says He Doesn't Feel Guilt Since Accidental 'Rust' Shooting, But Is 'Struggling Physically'

Alec Baldwin is getting candid about his mental and physical health following the fatal shooting of Halyna Hutchins on set of his movie Rust just over a month ago.

On Oct. 21 in New Mexico, Baldwin held the gun that discharged and fatally wounded the cinematographer. Baldwin explained, though, that he never pulled the trigger — he just cocked it and "let go of the hammer" when it fired, he said during his emotional first interview since that day, speaking with ABC News' George Stephanopoulos.

He shared that he is experiencing aftereffects, including that he has dreams "constantly" about that day, especially with images of guns that "keep me awake at night."

For more on Alec Baldwin's interview with George Stephanopoulos, listen below to our daily podcast on PEOPLE Every Day.

"I've been struggling physically. I'm exhausted from this because I gotta try to be there for my kids. My family is all I have. Honest to God, I couldn't give a s--- about my career anymore," said Baldwin, 63, who has six young children plus an adult daughter.

Stephanopoulos later asked, "Is this the worst thing that's ever happened to you?" Baldwin quickly answered, "Yes. Yep. Because I think back, and I think of what could I have done."

"You felt shock, you felt anger, you felt sadness, do you feel guilt?" Stephanopoulos asked.

The actor replied, "No. Someone is responsible for what happened, and I can't say who that is, but I know it's not me. I mean, honest to God, if I felt that I was responsible, I might have killed myself if I thought I was responsible. I don't say that lightly."

Baldwin said he's been told it's "unlikely" he'll personally face criminal charges, adding that he continues to cooperate in investigations. "I don't have anything to hide," he said.

Never miss a story — sign up for PEOPLE's free daily newsletter to stay up-to-date on the best of what PEOPLE has to offer, from juicy celebrity news to compelling human interest stories.

"I would go to any lengths to undo what happened," he said at the top of the interview.

"I want to make sure that I don't come across like I'm the victim, because we have two victims here. All of what happened that day leading up to this event was precipitated on one idea, and that idea is that Halyna and I had something profound in common," he added, "that is we both assumed the gun was empty, other than those dummy rounds."

Baldwin previously issued a statement after Hutchins, 42, was killed on location at the Bonanza Creek Ranch in Santa Fe, New Mexico. When he spoke out about the shooting for the first time, he wrote, "There are no words to convey my shock and sadness regarding the tragic accident that took the life of Halyna Hutchins, a wife, mother and deeply admired colleague of ours."

"I'm fully cooperating with the police investigation to address how this tragedy occurred and I am in touch with her husband, offering my support to him and his family," the 30 Rock alum continued at the time. "My heart is broken for her husband, their son, and all who knew and loved Halyna."

On Nov. 17, Baldwin and Rust producers were named in a lawsuit filed by script supervisor Mamie Mitchell, who was allegedly standing in the line of fire when the gun went off. An investigation is ongoing.

Next week, a two-hour 20/20 special will delve into the events ahead of the shooting on Rust and the investigations. The episode will air on Friday, Dec. 10, at 9:01 p.m. EST on ABC and be available to stream on Hulu the next day.

If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255), text "STRENGTH" to the Crisis Text Line at 741-741 or go to suicidepreventionlifeline.org.