Vanessa Lachey Opens up About How Parenting Heals Her From the Mom Who Left Her

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By Lilian Scott , Parent Herald Dec 02, 11:09 am

Photo: (Photo : Dave Kotinsky/Getty Images for Kohls)

Vanessa Lachey didn't grow up with her mother in her life because she was only nine years old when Helen dumped her and her brother, Vincent, at their father's house. Now that she's a parent herself, the 41-year-old actress said she went through a healing process and a realization about parenting each time she welcomed a child into the world.

In an interview with E! News, Vanessa, the wife of singer and TV host Nick Lachey, said that she got "more angry" at her mother for abandoning them with every birth of her three kids. She said she could not imagine how a parent could walk out on them, and it made her more resolved never to do this to her children and take them for granted.

Vanessa said that she has no idea what's going on with her mother's life today because she "disappeared for good" after giving her money from her pageant winnings decades ago. However, the actress said that she has chosen to forgive her mother and vowed to break the cycle of the hurt and pain she experienced with her own three children.

Becoming a Better Parent

The "NCIS: Hawaii" star said that she tells her children -- Camden, 9, Brooklyn 6, and Phoenix, 4 -- how much she loves them "to the point of nausea." She keeps reminding them that she will always be there, even when they grow older and are trying to navigate their teen and adult years.

Vanessa recalled the embarrassment of asking her father how to use a tampon when she had her first period. She also had to learn how to cook adobo, a recipe from her mother's Filipino heritage, by herself because Helen was not around to teach her.

Since her marriage to Nick over a decade ago, Vanessa has learned to start family traditions in her own brood so they will remember these moments when they grow up. Though parenting three children have been challenging, Vanessa said that she and Nick keep it together by realizing that the struggles will not always be there.

"I think at some point one day, we're going to miss this," the mom said. "So when they're screaming, playing with each other, we're going to miss it because one day they're going to lock themselves in their own rooms."

Vanessa credits Nick for being her strength. She said that she married "the best guy," who constantly tells her to believe in herself.

During the early years of their marriage, Vanessa had a lot of self-doubts and insecurities about becoming a mom. She realized that many of these were triggered by her painful childhood and her mother's abandonment.

Vanessa said, however, that she realized that it's in her power not to fall into the same patterns as her family. On the other hand, Nick said that his wife is resilient, and her pain has made her appreciate being a wife and mother even more.

Gushing About Missed Chances

Meanwhile, Vanessa revealed that her husband "robbed" her of the chance to be with Ryan Reynolds, her ultimate crush. Speaking in the "LadyGang" podcast, Vanessa admitted that she regards the "Deadpool" as her "dream man" and had been wishing to meet him.

But Reynolds was forever in a relationship with Alanis Morrisette, Scarlett Johansson, and later, Blake Lively. However, during that small window when Reynolds wasn't dating anyone, Vanessa started dating Nick, her co-star on "TRL."

On the day she and Nick decided to be exclusive, Reynolds announced that he had broken up with his girlfriend. Now, the actress jokes about it with her husband and considers Reynolds as "the one that got away."