Remember – Send me your stories and questions. All are confidential. You can email Ask Stacy at askstacyssw@gmail.com. You can also see follow up information and resources for each topic on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/askstacyssw.
Really Afraid: Dear Stacy, I have a friend who seems really sad and depressed. She has stated things like, “life is not worth living,” “what is my purpose?,” “would anyone really miss me if I was gone?”
I am really afraid she is thinking about hurting herself or suicide, but she has never come out and said it directly. I am not sure how to bring up this sensitive topic with her. Please help!
Stacy: Dear Really Afraid, first, I commend you for being in tune with your friend enough to know that maybe she is in distress. The comments she is making are certainly a cry for help and can be a warning sign. Suicide, like many other topics are hard to talk about, but I am glad that you are willing.
We hear so many myths about suicide and about people who commit suicide that it is no wonder it is hard to talk about. According to the CDC, suicide rates “increased 33% between 1999 and 2019, with a small decline in 2019. Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the United States. It was responsible for more than 47,500 deaths in 2019, which is about one death every 11 minutes. The number of people who think about or attempt suicide is even higher. In 2019, 12 million American adults seriously thought about suicide, 3.5 million planned a suicide attempt, and 1.4 million attempted suicide.”
Suicide does not discriminate by age, race, color or creed. It is an issue that permeates all of our society and we SHOULD be talking about it, especially close to the holidays, as that is a time of great sadness and isolation for many people.
Believe it or not, we can all help prevent suicide with the right resources. For example, using the 24/7 National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 and “988 has been designated as the new three-digit dialing code that will route callers to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. While some areas may be currently able to connect to the Lifeline by dialing 988, this dialing code will be available to everyone across the United States starting on July 16, 2022,” according to the lifeline’s website.
You know your friend better than I do of course, but my suggestion would be to compassionately tell them that you have noticed their sadness/depression and that you are there for them. Tell them that their life matters and that you want to help them. Share the hotline number with them, better yet, call the number with them. As humans, we are always afraid to hurt each other’s feelings or afraid our friend will be mad at us, well, I say that those things are worth not losing a friend to suicide.
And this does not mean that if they ultimately make that life ending decision, you are not to feel guilty. People who already have a plan in place can sometimes be hard to convince, so trying to help them before they get to the planning part is key.
Here are a few things you can do to help your friend, according to a post by Taylor Bennett on the National Alliance for Mental Illness’ blog.
1. Offer Steadfast Support – “If your friend is experiencing suicidal ideation, that means they’re hurting immensely — and they likely want to talk about it and feel heard. You can show your support by listening and giving them your empathy and compassion.” Be sure to use compassionate statements. See this link for examples: www.nami.org/Blogs/NAMI-Blog/September-2020/My-Friend-Is-Suicidal-What-Should-I-Do.
2. Ask Questions – you have listened to your friend, now you need to ask directly. “Do you think about hurting yourself?” “Sometimes, an individual’s suicidal ideation isn’t obvious — but if you do have the slightest suspicion that your friend might be suicidal or is thinking about suicide, be direct and ask them about it.” If they answer yes, than you want to know if they have a plan. These simple questions will help you decide the severity of the issue and what you need to do next.
3. Know when it is time to act – Do they need to seek immediate help, like the emergency room, or can they simply see a therapist? If you are ever not sure, help them get to the ER for an evaluation immediately, do NOT wait.
In the post, a social worker explained that “It’s a common myth that those who are suicidal don’t seek help, but in fact, many people reach out in some way, and often that is to friends and family before a mental health professional. Remember, people who are suicidal are in pain, and they just want that pain to go away.”
Here are some resources on the topic that you may find helpful:
https://www.rethink.org/advice-and-information/carers-hub/suicidal-thoughts-how-to-support-someone/ (Download their free fact sheet).
https://www.mentalhealthfirstaid.org/ (Great resource for training for everyone on mental health).
(0) comments
Welcome to the discussion.
Log In
Keep it Clean. Please avoid obscene, vulgar, lewd, racist or sexually-oriented language.
PLEASE TURN OFF YOUR CAPS LOCK.
Don't Threaten. Threats of harming another person will not be tolerated.
Be Truthful. Don't knowingly lie about anyone or anything.
Be Nice. No racism, sexism or any sort of -ism that is degrading to another person.
Be Proactive. Use the 'Report' link on each comment to let us know of abusive posts.
Share with Us. We'd love to hear eyewitness accounts, the history behind an article.