SADNESS IN HIS EYES
The Fiver isn’t in any position to accuse anyone else of living in the past, given we’ve spent the last 20 years banging on about ZX Spectrum games, regional ITV and Spurs. But really, the folk who vote for the Ballon d’Or will have to stop pretending it’s still 2011 at some point. Did winner Lionel Messi really have a better year than 53-goal Robert Lewandowski? Was sixth-placed Cristiano Ronaldo really better in 2021 than Mohamed Salah, Kevin De Bruyne, Kylian Mbappé, Gianluigi Donnarumma, Erling Haaland, Romelu Lukaku, Giorgio Chiellini, Leonardo Bonucci, Raheem Sterling, Neymar, Luis Suárez, Simon Kjær, Mason Mount, Riyad Mahrez, Bruno Fernandes, Lautauro Martínez, Harry Kane, Pedri, Phil Foden, Theme Pub O’Fiver, Nicolò Barella, Rúben Dias, Gerard Moreno, César Azpilicueta and Luka Modric? Was he? OK, we’ll give you Theme Pub O’Fiver, but other than that, our point stands.
It was a glittering ceremony, though, we’ll admit that. Most of the glittering was done by Messi’s suit, miniature versions of which were worn by his three kids, eerily lined up in order of height like characters in a Wes Anderson movie. Lewandowski sat by Messi’s side during the show, dressed comparatively soberly, with a face to match. He certainly exuded less showbiz sparkle as the winner was announced, smiling sportingly before looking on with discernible sadness behind his eyes, the corners of his mouth sliding down a little, as Messi bounded up to take all the plaudits despite the undoubted brilliance of the Bayern striker’s performances. If nothing else, Lewandowski now knows how Xavi and Andrés Iniesta must have felt.
Let’s hope Lewandowski – who broke Gerd Muller’s 49-year-old Bundesliga scoring record, for goodness sake – enjoyed the rest of the evening. He probably didn’t, though, given that host Didier Drogba’s patter was beyond teeth-grindingly inane, the low point in an evening-long masterclass in depth-plumbing coming when he asked Spanish-speaking Ballon d’Or Feminin winner Alexia Putellas a question in English, then admitted he didn’t speak Spanish so couldn’t understand her answer. Zero out of 10 for research, though we’re sure Didier will have a much better time of it at next year’s ceremony. He’ll be one of the favourites, you see, having inspired Chelsea to glory in the 2012 Big Cup. You know how the jury rolls.
LIVE ON BIG WEBSITE!
RECOMMENDED BOOKING
No Christmas party again this year? Then you’re cordially invited to Football Weekly’s very own one on … checks notes … today! In about four three two-and-a-half hours! Tickets are available now.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“What is written there is false. I said it was shameful and I was outraged for having to play. I said that in the presence of the police, firefighters and referees. We will see in the courts what really happened” – Belenenses president Rui Pedro Soares says he is planning to sue the Portuguese league official who said his team wanted to play last weekend despite having only nine players.
FIVER LETTERS
“To Barry Glendenning (yesterday’s Fiver): ‘plus the likelihood of Cristiano Ronaldo throwing his second very public strop in as many days when he is beaten to the men’s award by either Messi or Robert Lewandowski.’ It seems to be a national British journalistic pastime to try to publicly ridicule and underrate the achievements of one of the world’s best ever sportsmen. I haven’t quite understood if it is just some sort of ‘chip on the shoulder’ that he is not British or that the press just don’t understand him. I’m quite sure he doesn’t give an @rse as long as he keeps shining in the PL every weekend and keeps smacking goals past the England goalkeeper for Portugal in internationals (and there have been quite a few over his career). By the way, Barry, you might like to check out his reply to Ballon d’Or’s Pascal Ferré’s farcical comments about his version of why Cristiano Ronaldo is not attending. It will be right up your nose and prove my point” – Pedro Tavares da Silva.
“Many thanks to Richard Fernandez (yesterday’s Fiver letters) for pointing out the proper use of ‘smote’ (versus smited). Well correcteded” – Declan Houton.
“Down here in Sussex I’m expecting some interesting pre-season friendlies in 2022” – Tony Crawford.
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And you can always tweet The Fiver via @guardian_sport. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’ the day is … Declan Houton.
RECOMMENDED LOOKING
Warning: this week’s David Squires cartoon features a topless Sean Dyche.
NEWS, BITS AND BOBS
Ralf Rangnick won’t be in the dugout for Manchester United’s game against Arsenal on Thursday thanks to visa delay knack.
John Sillett, FA Cup-winning manager with Coventry, has died aged 85.
Jürgen Klopp says Virgil van Dijk won’t have forgotten what happened to him in his last Merseyside derby. ““We are human beings so it is probably difficult to forget and ignore something like that of course, but the situation was a situation that can always happen in football,” shrugged the Liverpool manager.
Lydia Bedford has been appointed as Leicester Women manager
Pep Guardiola says his Manchester City squad is down to the bare bones. “We are in an emergency for the intensity of the squad. We have few people. I never complain,” he cheered. “I never miss the players who cannot play for any reason and I trust a lot the players. When one is out, another one comes in. But to sustain it in December - the toughest month of the year – the fact is we are in trouble because we have few players.”
Watford’s Ismaila Sarr, Ben Foster and Nicolas Nkoulou are all out until January but Claudio Ranieri is putting a brave face on it. “I don’t like to cry, I want to react,” he sobbed.
STILL WANT MORE?
Suzanne Wrack on Ballon d’Or winner Alexia Putellas, the majestic midfielder who is the pick of Barça’s dominant pack
Jonathan Wilson on Ballon d’Or winner Leo Messi: past his best but a seventh gong feels right
Hassanin Mubarak on three forgotten men and the birth of Iraq’s national football team
And if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO!