Harriette Cole: I overheard what my father said about me

DEAR HARRIETTE: My father had another child many years after I was born. I overheard him telling my aunt that my younger sibling is so much “easier.”

I don’t know if this means that he found me hard to raise, or if it’s just easier this time because he has already learned the ropes.

Should I take offense to this? I don’t really want to confront him about it if it wasn’t a big deal.

First Born

DEAR FIRST BORN: Nothing good can come out of exploring what you overheard. Do not take offense.

Your father’s experience with you when you were born was based on all kinds of circumstances over which you had absolutely no control. Now, as a mature man, he knows more, may be more stable in his life and is in a different position to handle a child. That is likely what “easier” means to him. His evaluation is probably about himself, not about you or your sibling.

Be happy for your father and your sibling. Do your best to establish your own relationship with them. Though you are many years older, this is your opportunity to build a loving relationship with your own flesh and blood.

This is an exciting time. Choose to be positive about it and be happy for your father that he gets to guide a young life at this time.

Also, resist the temptation to feel jealous if your father does things differently or more attentively with this child. It is a new day. Enjoy it for what it is.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m having a hard time respecting my boyfriend now that I am the main breadwinner.

I still love him and want to be with him, but the dynamic of our relationship has changed drastically since he lost his job. I’m not sure why I feel this way.

I’m hoping it will all go back to normal when he gets back on his feet, but things are tense between us right now. How can we maintain a healthy dynamic while he is looking for a new job?

Out of Work BF

DEAR OUT OF WORK BF: Studies have been conducted that illustrate how negatively a man can be affected when he loses his job. Our culture says that the man must provide. When he cannot, this can lead to depression and a deep sense of being devalued. That obviously makes it harder for you to manage your relationship.

Now is the time for patience and empathy. Know that your boyfriend is suffering emotionally. He needs to maintain his self-confidence in order to be attractive to potential employers. Talk to him about his interests and abilities. Help him think outside the box for job ideas.

During this period, many people are looking beyond their comfort zone when it comes to work. Since there are a lot of jobs available right now, encourage him to look in all areas that are hiring, even if they are beyond his usual scope of work.

Do things that get him moving. Take walks or long drives that help to open his horizons and cut down on your stress. Find ways to enjoy each other without spending much money. This can help to create a neutral space where he doesn’t feel financially stressed. You can prepare a meal to carry with you and eat outdoors during your walk.

On your own, make time for yourself. Go out with friends. Read a book. Do something that makes you happy as a balance to the stress that you are feeling with him.

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.