ANYway … I was deep-cleaning the rugs. She refused to move her Legos, and I told her if she didn’t, someone else would. She cried hysterically, I moved them, some of them got broken. I told her going forward we will be vacuuming her room on a weekly basis, and the Legos will be moved every time.
Now she cries, gets angry at me, acts nasty, etc. every time it's brought up, or even when I am around and she is playing with her Legos.
I will stick to my guns — OMG she sounds like such a spoiled brat based on this, but I swear this is not how she normally is! — but how do I get through this? I have told her that if she can come up with a good alternate solution/compromise, we can talk. She is an only child, her other parent and I are divorced, and she keeps all her Legos here.
— Sticking to My Guns
Sticking to My Guns: =:-O
Nothing about her sounds “spoiled brat”-ish. Nothing.
It’s her thing! It’s also creative to the nth, and the world around her has gone to hell, so for the love of blockheads please leave her creative refuge intact.
If the rug is inviting vermin, then teach her to clean it herself, carefully, with a wand attachment.
I am trying to be encouraging here, but I am incensed that you’re going to war with her joy, security and well-being over carpet-cleaning.
She is a child. She's coping with crisis and disruption. Stop using your brute parental force to undermine her emotional outlet. I expect she will stop acting out when you do.
You took the time to mention the detail, care and health-related playacting involved — so you must understand how significant this is.
So rewind to before you get to the “ANYway” and the fixation on winning a power struggle, and instead — from now on — just stop. Stop yourself, recognize that a “win” here on breaking her world to clean underneath it is ultimately a loss for you both. Win by working with her to find a way to clean around the multilayered triumph that is her Lego world.
Re: Lego: This child has found a way to cope with the uncertainty and fear almost all of us are overwhelmed by. Perhaps your way of coping is to take control, whether by cleaning or trying to control people around you. It’s time to lay off and find better ways to manage your issues before you do any more emotional damage to your child.
— Anonymous
Anonymous: To that point — maybe this parent is overwhelmed, too, and needs outside support, a therapist, a group, and/or a break. Thank you.
