A Redditor claimed that when she tried to visit her boyfriend while he was in the hospital, she was told by her boyfriend's family to wait outside of his room. She wrote that she was ignored for three hours before she decided to go home. User Sarah-Justin3534 took to the "Am I the A**hole" forum to ask if she was wrong for leaving after her boyfriend's mother "shamed" her.
The Redditor explained in her post, which received more than 14,000 votes, that her boyfriend was admitted to the hospital after a knee injury. When she went to visit him, his family told her to stand outside of the room.
"I couldn't even speak to him and he was 100% awake and saw me," Sarah-Justin3534 wrote.
She left without a word to the family and went home upset. His mother then called her to "scold" her for leaving.
"When I opened up to her about how [I] felt I was constantly ignored and how [I] felt like my presence wasn't important since they told me to wait outside she was shocked telling me this isn't about me," she wrote. "My boyfriend just got out of a horrible situation and I should be happy and feel grateful for getting him back instead of sulking and craving attention."
User Sarah-Justin3534 continued and said that her boyfriend's mother told her that she should feel ashamed of herself.
"She made me feel absolutely guilty even though she was the one who requested I wait outside but I'm not sure whether I did the right thing by leaving after waiting for 3hr straight," she wrote.
Although the poster felt guilty, many readers jumped to her defense and wondered how long she should have been expected to wait.
"It was a power play on her part, she's just upset you refused to play her 'be subservient to me' games," one comment with nearly 22,000 votes read.
Other commenters suggested boundaries were needed.
An article published in Growing Self discussed setting boundaries with parents and a significant other's parents.
"It is important not to enable inappropriate or destructive behaviors—especially ones that lead to toxic relationships," the piece read.
As an individual begins to set those boundaries, it is just as important to ensure that their significant other is on the same page with what those boundaries are. There may be some initial growing pains to those boundaries, but the piece stated that change takes time.
One comment suggested that it was the responsibility of Sarah-Justin3534's boyfriend to maintain boundaries with his family to protect his relationship. A few people said she should rethink her relationship with her boyfriend if this treatment is normal for her.
However, others urged the Redditor to speak with her boyfriend about the situation.
"Given your [boyfriend] is likely pretty reasonably medicated and not fully aware of what is happening, I can't fault him too much for this situation—but OP you need to be aware this set of [in-laws] are going to be toxic AF and if your BF isn't going to have your back, you're going to have a rough road," a commenter wrote.
As some pointed to the Redditor's boyfriend to establish boundaries, others noted that Sarah-Justin3534 should establish her own. Many also asked her why she did not say anything to the family while she was waiting outside of the hospital room.
"People will treat you the way in which you allow them," one reader commented. "In the future show more respect toward yourself and leave after 10 mins."
Uncommon Knowledge
Newsweek is committed to challenging conventional wisdom and finding connections in the search for common ground.
Newsweek is committed to challenging conventional wisdom and finding connections in the search for common ground.
About the writer
Catherine Ferris is a Newsweek reporter based in New York. Her focus is reporting for the U.S. Trends Team. She ... Read more
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