BUSINESS | The journey to becoming a better 'YOU'

Editor's Note: The following is a different perspective on last week's column from Cami Miller.

The most common things clients ask me as a coach are questions related to gaining more control over some aspect of their lives. Most interesting to me are the people who want to gain control over every part of their life, "Right Now!" While it is normal for someone to decide to be better, it is unlikely that anyone can improve their health and fitness, their wealth, their career, their relationships, and their spirituality all at the same time. Once a person is ready to be better, it is normal to feel impatient to see progress.

If you have at least one area of your life that you want improvement on, congratulations! You are human. Most commonly, people have two or more domains where they want to improve. Often these domains have a natural link to one another. Career and wealth can contribute to each other, and career and relationship can challenge each other. Because of these connections, it is possible to see improvement in one area even though your focus is on another. For example, if you improve your sleep, chances are you will show up better at work as well.

We have high expectations of ourselves and often are not as forgiving of our weaknesses as someone else's. We also do not always give ourselves a realistic appreciation of how long certain things take. If we gain fifteen pounds over an entire year, taking them off in a couple of weeks is not a realistic expectation. Forget what all those spam texts promise; losing weight takes time.

If you woke up this morning wanting to get your life together, that’s great. The best time to start making your life better is now. This time of year, many people think, “I’ll do it after the holidays.” If you think waiting two months is going to make something easier, you are fooling yourself.

What areas of your life do you want to improve? Identifying the domains of your life you want to improve will help determine your goal. Ask yourself, "If I achieve this, what will be the result?" Knowing how you or your life will be different once you reach your goal will help ensure that it will be worth the effort required. How do you decide? That depends on you. What bothers you the most, or what will give you the most joy when you achieve it. If you are a person that avoids pain, then setting up a goal that helps prevent pain is a good choice for you. If you are a person who gravitates towards pleasure, then pick a goal that will make you feel good. Just remember that the pain must be worth the gain. You might also examine what you feel most strongly about or is most important to you. Ask yourself, am I willing to put in the work to achieve this. For most of us, there is a significant difference in the amount of work it takes to lose enough weight to fit into your clothes and the amount of work it takes to compete in a bodybuilding contest. It is possible to be healthy and fit without being thin. Ask yourself what is most important to you.

What is sustainable? When you identify your goal, ask yourself, “Is it sustainable?” You may have to build in strategies to ensure that you can maintain your achievement. If you go back to eating poorly and give up your workout, you will lose your hard-earned progress. If you give up your practice of praying or meditating daily, you will lose the spiritual peace you gained through those practices. When deciding what you want to do to improve your life, think ahead. Make sure you are willing to do what you must do to achieve and maintain your success.

Be specific about what you want and what you are willing to do to get it. Good things always start with intention, and the more specific your intention, the better. Want a promotion? That's a vague goal that may not get you what you want. Be clear about the job you want and what you are willing to do to achieve it. It might be a good idea to talk to your boss about your goal and find out what he/she would need to see in your performance for you to qualify for a promotion. You might be skilled in one area, like meeting your deadlines, but your lack of skills in another area, say communication, may prevent your bosses from considering you for the promotion. Learning what you need to do to perform better is more important than simply working harder. If you know what management thinks your strengths and weaknesses are, you can address them and demonstrate that you have the skills needed for the job you want.

What will help or hinder your success? Hindrances can be a thing or a person. I frequently see women and men whose insecure spouses sabotage their weight loss efforts. Even though they complain about their spouse’s weight gain, they often unnecessarily start worrying when their spouse start to look sexy. They feel afraid that others will notice their hot partner and that they might have to compete for their spouse’s affection. Imagine how difficult it must be to lose weight when your spouse keeps bringing home junk food. Asking for help when you are struggling is an intelligent thing to do. Tell your spouse why you want to lose weight. If they know that fitting into your clothes is the motivation and not the new cutie in the office, they will be more likely to help you achieve success. Anything or anyone that can help you gain traction can be a game-changer. If you decide to join a gym, joining one with the hours or services you need is wise. Joining with a workout partner or trainer is even better. If your goal is to bring your finances under control, make sure that your family knows what habits will be changing. Eliminating activities such as eating out, reducing cable services, or delaying big purchases for a while will be easier with your family's cooperation. Your ability to focus on your goal is crucial when striving for success. Failure to focus makes everything a blur. Roy Bennet said, “What matters most is to focus on what matters most.”

Whose standard are you working to meet? If your goal is something you really want, the odds of you achieving it are greater. If you are trying to prove something to someone, achieving your goal may not bring you the satisfaction you desire. By seeing yourself in the "As If" frame, you imagine your future success, ensuring that your unconscious mind is also involved in bringing about what you desire. While you are in the "As If" frame, think about how reaching your goal will impact others in your life. Don't be surprised if you discover that the person you are trying to please (or displease) is no longer in your life. I had a friend who smoked three packs of cigarettes a day. When I asked her if she had ever thought of quitting, she shared a story about her ex-husband nagging her to quit smoking. Divorced for over 25 years, she still held the resentment that kept her smoking. While sometimes proving someone wrong can motivate us, the best motivation comes from within us. Oprah Winfrey said, "Tune out the naysayers, tune into your own courage, and take a bold step toward the passion-filled life you really want." While the naysayers fueled her drive, it was the life she wanted that propelled her to success. As writer Lynn Robinson says, "Surround yourself with yaysayers, not naysayers."

Make your default no, not yes. What I often see with people in overwhelm is that they tend to say yes to too many things. It may be that you are saying yes or others are saying yes for you. It could be your seven-year-old child volunteering you to bring cupcakes for the Thanksgiving party at school or your wife volunteering you and your truck to help her sister move. Teach your family to respect your time by asking you before they volunteer you for anything. When someone asks you to do something, start with no and then evaluate whether you want to do it. People are more likely to feel good about you changing your mind to yes than to no. As a result of making no your default, fewer things will make it onto your calendar. Saying no instead of yes will free up time for the things you really want to do. When evaluating, ask yourself, "What is important now?" And then ask, "What will be important three years from now?" This question will help you evaluate potential actions in a way that will improve your decision-making.

Lastly, remember to celebrate your success. Identify at least ten things you can do to celebrate your success. If you love watching the sunset on the river, walking around the lake, or spending time with friends, include these activities in your celebrations. Make sure you have ways to celebrate that you can do by yourself so that your party doesn't require anyone else. Be sure the celebrations you select does not negate your achievements. For example, celebrating losing five pounds with a milkshake that will make you gain pounds is not a good practice. Neither is buying a 60" television because you've managed to save two thousand dollars.

Becoming your best you is not about becoming someone totally different. Your best you is inside of you already, but you may need to make a few changes to find it. As I said earlier, the best time to begin is now. Drop me an email and let me know what you are working on, and I will send you some encouragement.

Cami Miller is a business coach and partners with leaders on all levels to develop strategies for success. Contact her at camimiller54@gmail.com.