David Hytner was at the Stadio Olimpico di Serravalle to witness Harry Kane and England make some history. They also made it to the 2022 World Cup finals in Qatar. His report has landed, and here it is. Enjoy, enjoy ... and thanks for reading this MBM. Nighty night!

Gareth Southgate talks to ITV. “Our qualification was earned away in Budapest, away in Warsaw, away in Albania. I’ve got to credit all of our players and staff for a really good year. Even in a game like tonight, we can’t do anything about the level of the opposition, but their mentality was terrific. If I’d left Harry Kane on for the last half an hour, we’d have had Wayne Rooney’s family on the phone telling us to get him off! He’s a phenomenal goalscorer, and has obviously not had the opportunity in some of those games where there have been a lot of goals available, and we wanted him to have that opportunity tonight. He took it well. We finished with a very young side and a lot of promise for the future. It was important for Trent Alexander-Arnold to have an enjoyable England night, and he’s shown fabulous quality for a couple of assists, and he’ll go back feeling a big part of what’s happened. This is a good opportunity to look at some of the younger players and what experiences they might need before the World Cup.”

Harry Kane speaks to ITV. “Fantastic. We was expected to win but we did a great job. As you see with the other groups, it’s not that easy to qualify. When we win our games people write off the opposition, but it’s a tough battle and to go through is a fantastic feeling. Every time I wear an England shirt I’m proud and when I score goals it’s a great feeling. We still need to keep working, we are improving year on year.”

Turns out England could have lost this game 10-0 and they’d still have made it to Qatar. Poland were defeated 2-1 at home by Hungary, so wouldn’t have eaten into England’s lead at the top at all. As it turned out, England finished on 26 points, six ahead of Poland. Albania finished third on 18 points after a 1-0 win over Andorra. Hungary are fourth on 17 points, Andorra fifth on six, and poor old San Marino have zip, with a goal difference of minus 45.

Another record-book rewrite required, then. A list of England’s biggest wins, right here ...

Ireland 0-13 England (Friendly, 1882)
England 13-2 Ireland (British Championship 1899)
Austria 1-11 England (Friendly, 1908)
Portugal 0-10 England (Friendly, 1947)
USA 0-10 England (Friendly, 1964)
San Marino 0-10 England (World Cup qualifier, 2021)

It’s also only the second time England have scored six goals in the first half of any match. They were 6-2 up against the Netherlands in a 1946 friendly that ended 8-2.

England make it to Qatar in style, with their second-biggest competitive win of all time (after a 13-2 victory over Ireland in the British Championship in 1899). Not bad for an evening’s work, even if it was only San Marino.

90 min +1: Gallagher cuts in from the right and shoots, but his effort is blocked pretty much at source. Alexander-Arnold chips down the right and instigates a bit of pinball, but number 11 isn’t to be.

90 min: There will, mercifully, be just one added minute.

89 min: Benedettini takes an age over a goal kick. If ever you could accept a player wasting time, it’s now.

88 min: Have England declared at last? It looks as though they’re running down the clock now.

86 min: It’d be nice to think good old Graham Taylor is looking down on this from somewhere celestial, a warm smile spread across his face.

84 min: Nanni is down with cramp. A pause in play, and some much-required relief for the beleaguered hosts. This is the fourth time San Marino have shipped ten goals in a competitive qualifier, having previously done so against Norway, Belgium and Poland.

82 min: Gallagher crosses from the right. Abraham plants a header into the top right while grappling with the newly arrived Conti. There wasn’t much in it, but again the referee shows sweet mercy.

80 min: Fabbri, who scored one of England’s ten, makes way for Conti.

They don’t have to wait long. Alexander-Arnold on the right-hand edge of the D, spins and whips a cross in for Saka, who can’t miss from four yards. He powers a header home, and this is the first time England have scored ten goals since 1964, when they beat USA 10-0!

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A sweet, sweet finish, this. Alexander-Arnold, from a deep position on the right, curls a delicious cross towards Abraham, on the right-hand corner of the six-yard box with his back to goal. Abraham cushions the dropping ball on his thigh, swivels, and fires a low shot into the bottom left. Great goal all round. The England fans want ten.

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76 min: Chilwell miskicks while crossing from the left. The ball loops over Benedettini and for a second looks like dropping in, but it eventually clanks off the top of the crossbar and out for a goal kick.

74 min: That’s Lunadei’s last act of the evening. He’s replaced by Grandoni, while Stones comes on for Smith Rowe. Bellingham would have become England’s second-youngest scorer of all time had that stood, by the way, after Wayne Rooney. But now he’s still looking.

72 min: In the build-up to Gallagher hitting the post, Abraham caught Lunadei while backflicking the ball. It’s a soft foul, but enough of an excuse for the referee to chalk the goal off and show San Marino some mercy.

Bellingham bustles in from the left. He finds Gallagher, who caroms a shot off the base of the right-hand post. The ball breaks to Alexander-Arnold, who dinks in from the right. A half-cleared header drops to the feet of Bellingham, who blasts home. But there’s going to be a VAR check...

Alexander-Arnold takes the free kick, wedging in from the right of the D. Mings, in acres on the penalty spot, steers a glorious header into the top left.

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68 min: Alexander-Arnold slides a lovely pass down the inside-right channel for Gallagher, who spins Rossi and threatens to break into the box. Rossi, left in the dust, clips Gallagher from behind. Free kick just outside the box, and a second yellow for Rossi. Off he goes.

67 min: Golinucci has a go now, but from a ludicrous position, 35 yards out. His effort flies 35 yards wide.

65 min: Golinucci is sent clear down the right wing! He doesn’t have the pace, though, and Mings soon catches up and forces him to turn tail on the edge of the box. An audible groan from the home fans, who wanted Golinucci to take a speculative whack from distance. Soon dispossessed, he may as well have done.

64 min: Chilwell shovels a lovely pass down the inside-right channel for Gallagher, who is suddenly clear! He meets the dropping ball with a weak volley straight at Benedettini. He probably should have scored.

62 min: Kane’s work tonight is done. He makes way for James, and gives Southgate a big hug, a huge smile spread across his contented boat. It’s been a good evening.

60 min: This is the first time England have scored seven since trouncing Montenegro 7-0 at Wembley in 2019, and the first time they’ve scored seven away from home since that match against San Marino in 1993.

This is a beautiful goal. Saka cuts in from the right and dinks a pass between two defenders for Abraham, on the right-hand edge of the six-yard box. Abraham back-heels instantly into the path of Smith Rowe, who blasts home from ten yards. Wonderful vision by Abraham, and what an emphatic finish.

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56 min: Abraham, sent clear down the middle by Kane’s instant reverse pass, draws Benedettini into no man’s land ... only to chip clumsily over the bar from the edge of the box.

54 min: Battistini, the San Marino captain, is booked for a fairly agricultural lunge on Smith Rowe from behind.

52 min: Smith Rowe tries to float a chip over a crowded box and into the top right. Benedettini claims the wafting effort easily enough, but full marks to Smith Rowe for ambition.

51 min: More metronomic England passing.

49 min: Smith Rowe swings a cross in from the left. Abraham can’t plant a header goalwards, and turns out he was pushing Censoni anyway.

47 min: England continue to do what they’ve been doing all evening: stroke it around patiently. “Fun fact: San Marino has the same population as Colwyn Bay,” writes Phil Grey (born in Colwyn Bay).

England get the second half underway. Both teams have made three changes. England have replaced Maguire, Phillips and Foden with Chilwell, Abraham and the debutant Conor Gallagher. San Marino replace D’Addario, Tomassini and Hirsch with Censoni, Vitaioli and Alessandro Golinucci. “If my statistics are correct, Filippo Fabbri now has more England goals than Jude Bellingham, Kalvin Phillips and Emile Smith-Rowe combined,” reports Peter Oh, because somebody had to. “Glad to be of service.”

Let’s update the record book, then. All-time England scorers first ...

52: Wayne Rooney
49: Bobby Charlton
48: Gary Lineker, Harry Kane
44: Jimmy Greaves
41: Michael Owen
30: Tom Finney, Nat Lofthouse, Alan Shearer

... and now the all-time record for England goals in a calendar year ...

13: Harry Kane (2021)
12: George Hilsdon (1908), Dixie Dean (1927), Harry Kane (2019)

Kane has also become the fourth player to score a hat-trick for England in consecutive appearances, following Vivian Woodward (1909), Dixie Dean (1927) and Tommy Taylor (1957).

The joy of six for England, who are on their way to Qatar.

45 min +1: Saka crosses from a deep position on the left. Fabbri does extremely well to head clear, just in time with Kane lurking, six yards out.

45 min: Kane skedaddles down the left and tries to stand one up in the middle for Foden. An easy claim for Benedettini. Ah well, nobody’s perfect.

44 min: Kane is also the first player to score consecutive hat-tricks in consecutive appearances since Manchester United’s Tommy Taylor in 1957 ... and he’s now on 48 goals for England, level third in the rankings with Gary Lineker. It’s a good day at the office.

Kane’s tail is up, and he runs at a bunch of five San Marino men in the box. He shifts his feet to sashay into a pocket of space, before steering a shot into the bottom left. Kane becomes the first England player to score four in a match since Ian Wright in 1993 ... against San Marino.

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40 min: D’Addario, freshly booked, goes sliding in on Phillips, and is slightly fortunate not to be sent packing. The Slovenian referee Rade Obrenovič taking pity, perhaps.

Top left. Whip! In! It’s consecutive hat-tricks for Harry Kane! He’s the first player since Dixie Dean (1927) to score hat-tricks in consecutive England internationals.

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38 min: PENALTY FOR ENGLAND! Saka twists and turns down the left. He reaches the byline and pulls back for Kane, who heads goalwards from eight yards. The ball slaps onto D’Addario’s arm. Another penalty.

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36 min: The ball nearly breaks to Kane, sniffing around for his hat-trick, six yards out. D’Addario gets a block in, just in time.

34 min: Ramsdale punches the resulting corner clear, although Mings has his heart in his mouth for a second or two, the referee having a think about his unnecessary wrestle with Nanni, before deciding play should go on. It’d have been soft, but you’ve seen them given.

33 min: Nanni forces Ramsdale into action! He sends a speculative effort from distance towards the bottom left, forcing the England keeper to tip around the post at full stretch!

Smith Rowe bounces a low cross into the box from the left. Kane meets it, sending a scruffy effort into the bottom right. He didn’t connect with that particularly well, but will care not a jot. He’s now on 46 goals for England, and consecutive hat-tricks are a very real possibility now.

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