DEAN AND GONE
Considering his team had lost five consecutive matches by an aggregate score of 13-5, The Fiver is surprised by just how surprised it was upon hearing Dean Smith had got the old tin-tack from Aston Villa. Death, taxes and football managers who are not called Ole Gunnar Solskjær being cut loose at the first sign of a crisis are three of life’s certainties after all. As the fifth richest owners in the Premier League, Villa’s billionaire proprietors have made no secret of their plans for world domination … or at least qualification for Big Vase in the next couple of seasons.
Having hosed money at the transfer market before and after staying up by the skin of their teeth the season before last, they expected more bang for their buck than back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to-back defeats against Spurs, Wolves, Arsenal, West Ham and Southampton. For all that, reaction to Smith getting the gate has been largely sympathetic, in a way one suspects it might not have been if he wasn’t such a demonstrably nice bloke who is Villa to his bones.
“After a good start to last season, this year we have not seen the continuous improvement in results, performances and league position which we have all been looking for,” droned a statement from the club hierarchy. “For this reason we have decided to make a change now to allow time for a new head coach to make an impact.” Translation: “We didn’t pay a club record transfer fee for Emi Buendía to see him played out of position week in and week out, just so we can field two expensive strikers who keep getting in each other’s way. Now, do one!”
Guaranteed the goodwill and gratitude of his fellow Villa fans, a multi-million pound golden boot up the jacksy and another job at a half-decent club whenever he wants one, Smith may well be relieved at being handed his P45 at a time before the atmosphere at Villa Park turned poisonous. “I respect the owners’ decision, but I felt that with important players soon returning to full fitness we would achieve a top half finish,” Smith said on Monday. “The board’s aims are to take our club back into European football and I would love nothing more than seeing the club achieve that.”
Meanwhile at Carrow Road, a ground where the toxicity dial doesn’t seem to go much higher than five, Daniel Farke was also relieved of his duties on the back of one consecutive victory, his team’s first in the top flight this season. “To be questioning Daniel at this point would be incredibly unfair,” said Norwich sporting director Stuart Webber a little over a week ago. “We’re fully committed to Daniel. That’s why we gave him a four-year contract in the summer. The work he’s done at this club has been beyond incredible.”
No doubt galvanised by the club hierarchy’s show of faith in his abilities, Farke rallied his troops to a stirring win over Brentford only to be shown the door. “Daniel and his staff will always be welcome back here,” said Webber in a club statement announcing he’d performed the kind of U-turn even a Tory front-bencher would find audacious. The Fiver looks forward to seeing Farke and his backroom team take this open invitation literally, by taking their seats among the fans behind the home dugout for Norwich’s game against Southampton after the international break.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“Need a barber in Perth on Thursday. Only put your CV forward if you’re top level. You see the vibes, crispy clean, smooth. Top level craftsmanship, barber level on 1000 but don’t charge anywhere near that much. If you do, you are out of the running. Shaky hands, I rebuke you. Don’t bluff me. I’m gonna look on your profile” – renowned headphones salesman Daniel Sturridge needs a trim before joining up with flamin’ Perth Glory, and he has high standards.
RECOMMENDED LISTENING
Pod squad assemble: it’s time for Football Weekly, available here.
FIVER LETTERS
“Re: Neil Richardson’s return (Fivers passim). I too have just returned to subscription after a 20-year absence. I’m also less wise and living in flamin’ Australia. I feel angry I have missed out for all of these years. Then again, Arsenal were spearheaded by Thierry Henry, I had hair and someone threw an egg at John Prescott. Times were good” – Aaron Brown.
“I am a regular Fiver reader from April 2002 which means that I have read at least 4,000 Fivers (I would say that the correct number is closer to 4,500). And, yes, I remember The Yen, the Fiver’s 2002 World Cup edition. Those were the days. By the way, could you bring back the Radio & TV section?” – Bogdan Kotarlic [No – Fiver Ed].
“As someone who has also found themselves in Newcastle, NSW but did stay subscribed for the last 20 years, I can let Neil know what has changed. Manchester City got rich and good (in that order), Ole is still at United, Spurs are still pure comedy and the link at the bottom of the page is still to an old skool choon” – Nick Livesey.
“Friday’s Fiver mentioned Xavi ‘dripping in the haughtiest of Catalan footballing pretensions’, but his appointment as Barcelona manager actually makes a lot of sense. After all, putting a playing legend in charge of the current shower has worked out spectacularly well for Manchester United” – Ed Taylor.
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And you can always tweet The Fiver via @guardian_sport. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’ the day is … Bogdan Kotarlic, who frankly deserves a medal.
MORE RECOMMENDED LISTENING
On the Audio Long Read: David Conn on how the Hillsborough families were failed by the justice system. And on Today in Focus, Michael Safi talks to Josh Cavallo, the world’s only openly gay top‑flight men’s footballer, who says he would be scared to play at the World Cup in Qatar.
NEWS, BITS AND BOBS
The Northumberland FA has called for an end to the verbal abuse of youth referees after officials went on strike over the weekend. “A couple of weeks ago, we had eight referees in tears,” said Helen Beales, the local FA’s partnerships manager.
Eddie Howe has been appointed as the new manager of Newcastle United. “It is a great honour to become head coach of a club with the stature and history of Newcastle. It is a very proud day for me and my family,” honked Howe.
Despite the shambolic derby defeat by Manchester City, Ole Gunnar Solskjær still expects to still be at the Manchester United wheel after the international break.
Five football clubs will take part in a safe standing trial from 1 January 2022, the sports minister Nigel Huddleston has confirmed. Chelsea, Spurs, Cardiff, Manchester United and City are the quintet involved.
STILL WANT MORE?
Fancy 10 talking points from the Premier League’s long weekend? You know where to go.
Meanwhile, Sarah Rendell and Suzy Wrack look back at a big weekend in the Women’s Super League.
“I have a very passionate character; when I lose it, I lose it in a dangerous way.” Arsène Wenger gets his chat on with Chris Godfrey in the G2 [Big Paper’s Small Paper? – Fiver Ed] interview.
It was all happening at San Siro as Inter and Milan drew in an emotional derby – but which team is better placed to win the title, wonders Nicky Bandini.
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