Internet Backs Teen Who Won't Be Family 'Team Player' for Her Younger Siblings

The oldest child may be looked upon as an example for their younger siblings, but that expectation can go too far for some.

A teen published a post on the popular Subreddit "Am I the A**hole," in which she explained that she's gotten frustrated with the expectations placed on her by her parents.

TayverMiles wrote in her post, which has generated nearly 15,000 votes and more than 1,000 comments, that her parents resent her because they had her when they were 19-years-old. When she turned 8, her parents began having more children, and she became one of five kids.

"They love my siblings. They go above and beyond for them. Always have," TayverMiles wrote. "And they expect me to not only be okay with that but they want me to also go above and beyond for them."

The 17-year-old said that her parents have told her that she was not a "team player" or a "good sister."

TayverMiles said that she saves the money she earns from her job rather than spending it on her siblings, which upsets her parents. Things came to a head when the Redditor's sister wanted a specific Halloween costume, but her parents were unable to afford it.

The Redditor declined to pay for the costume as her parents asked and again.

"When I said no again my parents blew a fuse and said I wasn't being a team player and I should want my siblings to have the best," TayverMiles wrote. "They said I should love my siblings enough to make their lives the best possible. And that I should stop being selfish and immature."

The argument escalated, and TayverMiles told her parents it wasn't her responsibility to provide for her siblings when she didn't get the same treatment.

"They said it's not their fault they didn't want to have me," she wrote. "I told them it wasn't mine. That I had no say in being born or being kept."

TayverMiles' siblings overheard the fight, and she said they were upset that she is "not more loving and invested in them," which led TayverMiles to ask if she was wrong.

Fellow Redditors flooded the comment section to offer their support.

"NTA, not in the slightest," one comment read. "You were not responsible for your birth, they were. It's not fair of them to consistently punish you for not acting as a third parent to their subsequent offspring. Parentification at its finest."

According to an article published by Parents.com, parentification causes a child to act as a caregiver. Becky Kennedy, Ph.D., a licensed clinical psychologist, said children who grew up in this type of environment believe "their own feelings and needs are threats." Their expected responsibilities can go beyond age-appropriate chores.

There are different types of ways children can experience parentification such as providing emotional support to parents without receiving the same support in return, and taking responsibility for practical duties like cooking dinner, getting younger siblings ready for school, and paying bills.

Another Reddit commenter wrote that what TayverMiles' siblings heard would have come out at some point, giving them time to "adjust their expectations."

Some wrote that they hoped the actions of the Redditor's parents would not drive a wedge between her and her siblings. One wrote that they may be too young to fully understand the complexities of the situation.

"You can't really expect a 7-year-old to understand the concept of parentification and why it's wrong for her parents to treat their oldest child like that," a comment read. "To the child, this isn't any different from her wanting something from a high shelf and mom telling her to ask OP [original poster] to get it for her."

Others encouraged TayverMiles to start thinking of a plan to move out when she turns 18. Some suggested that the Redditor's parents were setting her up to prioritize her siblings just as they had to prioritize her when she was born.

"It seems like the parents are growing increasingly resentful that OP is getting to the age they were when they had OP and yet doesn't have to sacrifice their life for a kid, so they're trying to make OP do exactly that," they wrote.