DEAR HARRIETTE: My wife and I recently received a note from good friends of ours stating that they are having an in-person wedding for their daughter, but because of COVID-19 we are not invited.
They added that if we want to give a gift from the registry, here is the link. I thought that was awfully tacky.
I get that we must do things differently because we want to be safe, but how do you not invite someone to a wedding and then ask for a gift? What do you think about that?
Registry Only
DEAR REGISTRY ONLY: I can imagine that this communication felt insulting to you, even though I’m sure it was not intended in that way.
Families are scrambling to try to figure out how to celebrate their loved ones as they begin their new lives together. Even without COVID-19, it was hard to determine whom to invite and whom to leave out. Now the guest list is much shorter as we attempt to preserve people’s health.
What’s off-putting is the direct request for gifts. It would have been better for them to send a notification that the couple is getting married and provide an address for those who want to send a card or a gift. Better still would have been the hybrid option of having the wedding live-streamed so that everyone could watch. Then it’s easier to share registry information.
Saying you are not invited but you can give anyway is a bit insensitive, to say the least. My recommendation is, if you care about the couple getting married and want to support them, send a gift anyway. But it’s also perfectly fine to wish them well and move on.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My neighbors asked if I would water their plants when they went away on a trip a few months ago. I did that for the two weeks they were away. Now they have started traveling a lot more, and they constantly ask me to look after their plants.
I am not interested in that job. Once in a while is one thing. Now it’s two or three times a month.
How can I beg off without seeming like a horrible neighbor?
Not a Gardner
DEAR NOT A GARDENER: Next time your neighbors are home, talk to them. Tell them you have been happy to support them with their plants, but it has become too big of a responsibility. You are busy and don’t always remember. Unlike them, you aren’t a natural green thumb. Tell them you are sorry, but you can’t manage the duty with their new frequency of need.
Give them their key back. That indicates you are not going to be fulfilling that duty anymore. You can recommend that they invest in self-watering systems that are designed to water plants on a timed, intermittent basis.
If they get upset and act like they think you are being unkind, remind them that you have been caring for their plants for months now, something you thought was going to be a one-time thing. Because you care about them, you didn’t want to just stop and risk their plants dying. You are speaking up out of respect for them and in recognition of your limitations.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
