'The French Dispatch' vs. 'Dune': Which Timothée Chalamet Movie Is Right for You?
Timothée Chalamet has two movies coming out this weekend. Which one should you go see?
This weekend, if you head out to the movies, you have the potential to get a double dose of everyone's favorite hypebeast Twonka (Twink Willy Wonka, for those not in the know), Timothée Chalamet. The actor, who rose to fame in 2017 appearing in both Call Me By Your Name and Lady Bird, has two long-awaited and highly anticipated movies dropping on the same day.
First, there's Dune, Denis Villeneuve's epic adaptation of Frank Herbert's seminal novel, and then there's The French Dispatch, Wes Anderson's latest bit of miraculously crafted whimsy. Both have huge casts full of stars, both have incredible production designs, and both prominently feature Chalamet. If you're a Timmy fan but you only have time for one cinematic outing in a weekend, let's help you choose with this handy quiz. Without further ado: Which Timmy is right for you?
How do you want Timothée's hair to look?
a. Windswept and luscious, like a mythical creature's mane kissed by angels and sand. The on-set hair department head should describe it as such: "It is like an animal; he’s got a lion-like mane."
b. Like he's in a high school production of Young Frankenstein. It should appear to smell like a thousand cigarettes and stand up on end.
What words would you like to hear Timothée say?
a. Spice, Bene Gesserit, Kwisatz Haderach, Duncan Idaho
b. Manifesto, revolution, Krementz, tip-top
What would you prefer your Timothée to be named?
a. Paul
b. Zeffirelli
Which older actress would you like to see Timothée share most of his scenes with?
a. A trembling yet ferocious Rebecca Ferguson
b. A normally ferocious Frances McDormand
Would you like them to have uncomfortably sexual chemistry?
a. Yes, and I would like it to be incestuous.
b. Yes, and it can just be awkward.
What language other than English would you like to hear Timothée speak?
a. Well, it's technically still English, but I would like to hear him use "the Voice," a deep, echoing tone that can control the people around him.
b. French. Duh. Did you know he's actually fluent in it?
What would you like Timothée's greatest foe to be?
a. The Baron Harkonnen, a corpulent fascist who bathes in oil, has a metal spine, and can float.
b. The capitalistic French government, who won't allow men in female dormitories.
How do you feel about sand?
a. Love it. Bring it on.
b. Hate the stuff. It's all coarse, and rough, and irritating. And it gets everywhere.
How much time do you have?
a. All day, baby! Let me spend hours with Timothée.
b. 2 hours. Max.
What color scheme are you thinking of?
You may also like
a. I want browns and grays.
b. I'd be fine with black and white, but would want a couple pops of color. Maybe a mustard yellow?
And, finally, what are you in the mood for?
a. Give me a dense sci-fi epic.
b. I want something charming and twee.
If you answered mostly As: Go see Dune. You want your Timothée as Paul Atreides, the possible Chosen One in this stunningly chilling story about political power grabs set 8,000 years in the future. Dune is a vast experience best viewed on the biggest screen possible (though it will also be available on HBO Max). You want to see all the intricacies of the landscapes Villeneuve builds and also analyze just how knife-sharp Timmy's jawline is.
If you answered mostly Bs: Oui oui! You are headed to The French Dispatch. Wes Anderson's latest jewelbox of a movie is a magazine in movie form. It chronicles the articles of the final issue of The French Dispatch of the Liberty, Kansas Evening Sun. Chalamet stars as Zeffirelli in the middle section, a feature reported by Frances McDormand's Lucinda Krementz about student revolutionaries. Zeffirelli is an extremely Wes Anderson figure. He's a chess prodigy with a thin mustache constantly puffing on a cigarette. You want your Timothée in a movie that capitalizes on his scrawny heartthrob appeal. The French Dispatch is for you.