For most of my life, I’ve been lost in my thoughts. I’ve leased out my headspace to replaying past conversations, forecasting future events, while taking in what was happening around me and trying to manipulate things to avoid pain and conflict as much as possible. When the inevitable hard thing would come my way, I’d brace myself with panic, terrified of what would come out of the storm. It was truly exhausting.
Sometimes, in trying to forecast or understand what was happening around me, I would create my own internal storm. I’d misinterpret someone’s actions with the worst possible narrative, spiraling out emotionally as I processed that possible situation.
“They didn’t invite you because they don’t like you and wanted to spend their time together talking about how much they don’t like you,” my foolish brain would hiss to myself. “They’re mad at you, that’s why they didn’t say hello.”
Recently, though, I’ve undergone a significant perspective shift. Through conversations with friends who have already adopted this perspective and reading psychologist Mel Schwartz’s book, “The Possibility Principle,” I’ve learned and adopted a new way of thinking. Or, better put, of observing my thoughts.
Schwartz explains that it’s in the nanoseconds between our thoughts where we can observe and evaluate them, choosing whether we’ll allow them to stay or go. If we keep the negative thought, it’s likely to spark an emotional upheaval and we’ll process it as reality. Our consciousness in the present moment is all we truly know of reality, Schwartz writes, so we’re creating our reality by adopting the thought and giving it space.
Colleen Cook works full-time as the Director of Operations at Vinyl Marketing in Ashland, where she resides with her husband Mike and three young daughters. She’s an insatiable extrovert who enjoys finding reasons to gather people.
However, when an unwelcome thought appears, we have just as much ability to refuse it and let it float by without taking root. This new skill, for me, initially felt unfamiliar which can feel a little uncomfortable. But, with a little bit of practice, it quickly transformed my posture towards my thoughts. Instead of being consumed by my thoughts, I feel in control of my thoughts.
As a result, my decades-long battle with anxiety seems to have disappeared. I feel fully present in the moment, unafraid of the uncertainty of the next moment because I’m not postured with regret toward the past or fear of what’s to come. The significant shift has been to simply recognize that my thoughts aren’t inherently true on their own, or a complete reflection of what I actually believe.
Engaging in the present moment, embracing the uncertainty of that moment, is wildly freeing. Instead of trying to control it all, I’m free to trust that I’ll do my best when whatever comes my way.
When the time comes for pain and strife, I’ll journey through it, and it will be hard. But I won’t prepare for pain and strife by pre-playing every possible negative outcome or painful thing in my mind as a futile attempt to self-protect. I’ve learned over years that that only causes me extra, undue suffering.
This simple mindset shift has brought about an attunement to God and the interconnected nature of the universe, deep peace, abundant joy and greater love for those around me.
At first, I was inclined to grieve the years spent being controlled by my thoughts, embarrassed by how long it took to get here, but that’s a thought I’ve quickly dismissed and instead am choosing to be grateful for the journey because it’s all a part of my story and the unfolding reality we’re all experiencing in every moment.
