Predictions: Huskers vs. Golden Goofers

Mike: I’ve got a conflict, so this will be the first Nebraska football game I’ve missed in over 20 years.

Patrick: Fun times

Nate M: Maybe Mike missing the game will break the curse?

Jill: I need a nap.

Andy: When there’s a world where a team playing like ours is 3-4 and the dogass Iowa Hawkeyes are ranked #2, maybe it’s time to start looking into some dark arts shit. Or the dark side of the force. Something.

Michigan State (-4.5) at Indiana

Patrick: Michigan State University 23 University of Indiana 9

Nate M: Ring around the rosie.

Indiana has probably been the most disappointing team in the B1G. Michigan State should roll right through them. Michigan State by 17+.

Jill: That line seems disrepektful to the Spartans. Which might make the Hoosiers mad, since they believe disrepekt is is all about them. Or is that only when Nebraska is involved? Who cares. MSU 30 Hoosiers 17

Mike: It’s not just Nebraska that shows Indiana disrespekt. Remember the Hoosiers taking the B1G logos off of their bowl uniforms because Ohio State played in the title game last season? Bottom line is that Michigan State is pretty good; Indiana is ... not. Sparty 34 H000000siers 9.

Andy: That line feels a little odd as if the sportsbooks are daring people to load up on Sparty. Indiana has played three currently top 10 teams in the last five games but they didn’t get closer than two touchdowns to any of them and I’d think that would leave them a little beat up.

When in doubt, bet the streaks - Sparty has been a covering machine this season (except for da’ Huskers - BITCHES!!) and Indiana is still looking to cover their first line. Mich St. 31 Indiana 15

Rutgers (-2) at Northwestern

Patrick: Rutgers University 17 Northwestern University 14

Nate M: A pocket full of posies.

Rutgers will probably be scared when they stroll into Northwestern from that oppressive home crowd experience. Rutgers by 10.

Jill: When in doubt, pick the home team? Except I think Nebraska might have broken the Wildcats and Rutgers is not bad. Knights 32 Wildcats 24

Mike: Yeah, Northwestern is NOT good. But Rutgers fans aren’t exactly going to storm Chicago for this one. Rutgers 27, NW 13

Andy: I’m going to go against the grain here and take the Husky floofs. Northwestern is coming off a bye week after being dismantled by the Huskers while Rutgers has just run a three week gauntlet of Michigan, Ohio St. and Michigan St. getting pounded in the last two. Also it’s Northwestern, so a couple of those nerds probably soaked the grass on the visitor bench’s sideline with a lab-grown chemical cured from Fruit Loops cereal milk and horse piss. Tests determined the fumes will lower Rutgers’ physical performance by 7.3%. Northwestern 19 Rutgers 16

Purdue (+11.5) at Iowa

Patrick: University of Iowa 32 Purdue University 6

Nate M: Ashes. Ashes.

Iowa’s last six games are against B1G West Division foes. How does that happen? They win by 14+.

Jill: I read somewhere that Jeff Brohm is 3-1 against Iowa. On Sunday, he will be 3-2. See, math isn’t hard. Hawkeyes 12 Boilers 6

Mike: Still not a believer in Iowa’s offense, but their defense is legit. Squawkeyes 29, Boilers 17

Andy: Today’s poll - who has taken brain-numbing f**kery to a higher level this season after last week? Injury-booing Iowa fans or rat-smelling Kirk Ferentz in their limp defense?

Now full disclosure - I find James Franklin hyper-annoying and consider Penn State a program which should’ve have been incinerated and buried years ago in an unmarked grave shat on repeatedly by all manner of woodland creatures. So defending Penn St. at any time is something I consider far beyond distasteful.

But faking injuries to slow the Iowa offense? That’s like freezing peanut butter because it falls out of the jar too fast. In Iowa’s most delusional dreams has no team ever said, “How do we slow this down???” Idiots. Purdue won’t win but let’s have them cover because Screw Iowa. Chickens 27 Shot & a Beer 20

Oklahoma State (+4) at Texas

Patrick: University of Texas 37 Oklahoma State University 32

Nate M: We all fall down.

Texas will not recover from that loss last week and another Oklahoma team will take advantage. Oklahoma State by 10.

Jill: I don’t know and I don’t care. Winner 65 Loser 57

Mike: Last week is going to be a tough one for the Bovines to stomach. I suspect they won’t be so ready for a Cowboys’ squad. Cowpokes 24, Bovines 20

Andy: Sweet Jesus, talk about a game for which I’d participate in the Squid Games in order to avoid having to be anywhere near THOSE alumni tents. Buncha Bubbas sounding off like drunken contestants in a Foghorn Leghorn contest. “Boy, I say BOY, fetch me anuthur row-und and put it on mah tab. GOD-dammit, did you HEAR me??!”

No thanks. OK, the game. The Cowboys aren’t a high-scoring laser show but they are playing some defense against pretty good teams. The Longhorns are scoring but play as if defense s this ass-tasting medicine their mommas forced in them every time they sneezed. I take the D in those matchups. Okie St. 29 Texas 20

Nebraska (-4) at Minnesota

Patrick: University of Nebraska 42 University of Minnesota 17

Nate M: Ring around the rosie. A pocket full of posies. Ashes, Ashes. We all fall down.

I would feel a lot better about this game if Minnesota didn’t have a bye week leading up to it. You kind of wish that Nebraska had their bye week after the Michigan game to recover but alas that is not the case. Nebraska should win comfortably but they will have to do it on the road. Here’s hoping they get it done.

Nebraska wins by 10.

Jill: Minnesota is a run heavy team that has now lost their top two running backs and is getting their top receiver back. I suspect Frost and Co. might end up throwing their game plan out when the Gophers come out slinging it. Will they recover from an opposing team doing the unexpected this time? I’d like to think so. Nebraska 31 Minnesota 26

Mike: This game clearly is in the “should win” category for Nebraska, based on how they’ve played for the last month or so. That’s easier said than done, but I think Nebraska knows this is a must win game. Huskers 38, Goofers 17.

Andy: Minnesota is coming off a bye week but are still banged up. The Huskers are in pent-up aggression mode after being on the wrong end of yet another B1G referee donkey show followed by All Century Pissy Pants team captain Jimmy Harbawl calling the Huskers cheaters.

(By the way, I’ve already patented the title of my future thoughtful novel about a pheasant rancher’s childhood in Duck Shit Holler, Kentucky. “Disconcerting Signals & Shared Possession” is MINE.)

The prevailing thought is Minnesota wants to muck and ugly it up but now down to their string RB and Nebraska’s success against the run, I expect Morgan to throw it 30 times and see a few trickerations on their part. However, though we may still be searching for a way over the hump against ranked teams, I believe we’re learning to take care of the ones we should. Huskers 31 Gophers 16