A friend recently told me a story of an electrician he knew who was doing some work in a residential home. While he worked in the basement, the mother told her teenage son to carry some rock salt bags downstairs and put them in the water softener. The son did exactly what his mom told him. He carried them to the utility room and placed the bags, without opening them, directly into the water softener.
When the mother got irritated and asked why he didn’t pour in the salt, he said he thought the bags were like dishwasher detergent packets that dissolved in water. This type of story seems common with teens. Another example is a woman I used to work with who told her daughter on the phone to take the laundry out of the washer and put it in the dryer. When she got home, she checked the dryer and found the clothes soaking wet. Turns out, the daughter never turned on the dryer because her mom didn’t tell her too.
It makes me wonder if teens are too literal, oblivious, or just don’t care. Most likely, it’s a combination, depending on the kid and the day. But in defense of many teens, unless they’re shown or taught how to do something, they probably don’t know better.
I’ve had many conversations with friends about whether or not today’s teens are learning essential life skills, and even what modern life skills actually are. For instance, some articles about skills say young people should know how to drive a stick shift vehicle. I learned how to drive on a stick and still enjoy shifting gears, but with about 99% of new cars having an automatic transmission, learning how to drive the 1% of manual vehicles doesn’t seem essential or even a priority.
Some people I talk with say writing in cursive, learning how to balance a checkbook, and reading a paper map are essential skills. These are skills I learned in school, but I’m pretty sure my kids did not and are getting along just fine. They’ve never been in a situation that required them to understand cursive. Meanwhile, online banking automatically balances accounts, and GPS systems effectively replaced the need to read Rand McNally road maps.
Articles I’ve read about essential life skills say teens need to know how to sew by hand to reattach buttons or fix holes in clothing, know how to write and mail a letter, and be able to change a car tire. I suppose all of these could come in handy at the right time and empower people to perform tasks themselves rather than asking or paying someone else to do it.
While technology and always-on connectivity via mobile phones have evolved how skills are applied, there are basics that will hopefully never become obsolete. These include being well mannered and acknowledging other people. Anyone who’s around kids for any length of time can quickly tell which ones are learning manners at home and which aren’t.
Knowing to write a thank you card is a quality skill. It’s typically appropriate to send one if you receive a gift. It seems like many high school graduates learn this. When I’ve gone to grad parties over the years and given monetary gifts, I’ve almost always received a card. They don’t have to be fancy, because it’s the thought that counts. But I’m not impressed when I get a thank you card that the mother clearly wrote.
One of my relatives told me she sends gifts to nieces and nephews every year for birthdays, Christmas, and other special occasions. Once the kids enter their mid-teens, if they didn’t send her a thank you note or a text, she stops sending them presents. I agree with her approach.
There are basic, yet essential, skills that hopefully kids learn at home or at school that they can carry through life, like how to plan and adhere to a budget, the benefits of investing when you’re young, what to do in an emergency like a car accident, how to cook meals and do laundry, and knowing when to service your car.
Other skills come from having a job as a teen, like being responsible for showing up for work, doing tasks you don’t like, dealing with unpleasant coworkers or customers, and having the satisfaction of earning your own money.
There’s probably never a bad time to teach kids fundamental skills and help them build good habits. The alternative is to hope kids learn on their own, or try to correct their bad habits later.
Brett Martin is a columnist who’s been a Shakopee resident for over 15 years.