ST. LOUIS — The news has been hard to block: Instagram and its parent company Facebook on defense and on Capitol Hill facing accusations they knowingly jeopardize young people’s mental health with their platforms.
However, it’s news that came as no surprise to Danielle Smith, an O’Fallon, Missouri, mother of two teenagers who are both on social media.
“I allowed my kids access to platforms a little bit earlier than some parents may have, and I did that for a couple of reasons. I didn't want these platforms to be taboo, number one. And I also didn't want my kids to think me being up in their business was a foreign thing,” she said. “Your phone is my phone. I told them very early on, if you want privacy, write in a journal.”
As a blogger and off-and-on “influencer” herself, Smith said she’s long understood the social media companies have their own motives.
“The platforms are out to make money. That is their priority. So it's up to us parents to say, ‘I want to have a stake in this.’”
Dr. Tim Bono, Washington University psychologist and author of “When Likes Aren’t Enough,” agreed.
“Even before the advent of smartphones and social media, psychologists knew that one of the fundamental barriers to a sense of well-being was social comparison,” said Dr. Bono.
He said the addictive design of platforms like Instagram makes it even harder to avoid images that make us feel bad.
“It's one thing to understand intellectually that what we're seeing is not true to life or what we're seeing could be fabricated by other people. But it's something very different to have the emotional reaction when we're actually in the process of scrolling through and getting that information,” he said.
Dr. Bono shared recommendations for “rules of the road for healthy social media use":
Model healthy digital behavior: Use your phone jointly with your children.
(e.g., you can both FaceTime with grandma or scroll through family photos)
Tell your child what you’re doing online: Show how mobile devices can be tools for relationships and problem solving
Pick a time to focus on your phone: Set aside time where you can focus uninterrupted (e.g., while child is napping)
Establish technology-free zones/times: Especially the dinner table and an hour before bed!
Do something fun when screen time is over: Direct their attention to a snack or a trip to the park.
Before they get a phone, have an honest conversation with them: How will they feel if they see other kids posting things/experiences they don’t have? This allows them to help establish rules governing the phone’s use.
“So it's not to say that we're getting rid of it altogether, but we're going to be more responsible in the ways that we use it,” he said.
What if your child is already addicted to social media? Here’s what Dr. Bono has to say.
Identify where it seems to most affect their lives: Time management, attention span (ability to focus in school or on homework), sleep, stress/anxiety/depression
Have a conversation with them about behaviors you’ve noticed. “I’ve noticed your grades in some classes have started to slip.” “You seem to have trouble getting out of bed in the morning.” “You seem distracted.”
Lead by example: “I also don’t get a good night’s sleep when I’ve stayed up too long looking at YouTube clips. I’m going to limit my screen time before bed.”
Don’t cut it out cold turkey: Meet them where they are and see if they can at least reduce screen time.
The American Academy of Pediatrics has guidelines for even younger children:
<18 months: No screen time other than video chatting.
18 months-5 years: Up to 1 hour per day of high-quality programs.
*Parents should view media with children to help them understand what they are seeing and apply it to the world around them.
6 years and older: Place consistent limits on time and content.
*Make sure media does not take the place of adequate sleep, physical activity and other behaviors essential to health.
For all: Designate media-free times together, such as dinner or driving, as well as media-free locations at home, such as bedrooms. Have ongoing communication about online citizenship and safety, including treating others with respect online and offline.
Smith does what she can to make her kid's strongest influence reality.
“I don't want my kids spending so much time on social that they're neglecting other aspects of their life.”