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A quick call could help clear up a gift card mix-up

Lillie-Beth Brinkman, Callie Athey and Helen Ford Wallace

Special to The Oklahoman

Sometimes the list of gifts received at showers and weddings get confused, making thank you notes difficult to write.

QUESTION: I attended a bridal shower for my nephew’s bride-to-be. I’m very close to my nephew and even though I don’t know her all that well, we enjoy each other’s company.

I gave her a fruit bowl as a gift. The note thanked me for the bowl but also for a gift card, which I did not give. I have no idea what to do.

CALLIE’S ANSWER: It's OK to let her know you didn't give the gift card. Somethings gifts get written down wrong. I'm glad you enjoy each other's company.

LILLIE-BETH’S ANSWER: I think you can let her know that you appreciated the thank-you note but that you just gave her the bowl. That way she can look for who else might have matched with the gift card that didn’t get a note. Sometimes things get mixed up in recording who gave which gift.

HELEN’S ANSWER: Simply call the bride and tell her what happened. I think she will appreciate the call so she can track down who gave her the gift card for thank you purposes. Sometimes it is hard to keep all the gifts straight at a shower and your call will help in setting things straight.

GUEST’S ANSWER: Adrienne Nobles, Vice President for Communications and Public Affairs, University of Central Oklahoma: I would not make too big of a deal out of it, as this is likely a simple oversight.

Since you are close with your nephew, I recommend a phone call or text to check in with the newlyweds. Include that you were appreciative of the thank-you note, but that there was a mention of a gift card that was not a part of your gift to the couple and you just want to ensure the actual bearer of the gift can get recognition.

It may be impossible for them to ever pinpoint exactly who the gift card is from, but you may feel better giving them the opportunity to try.

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Since 2009, Callie, Lillie-Beth and Helen have written this generational etiquette column. They also include guest responses from a wide range of ages each week. So many years later, Callie is 20-plus; Lillie-Beth is 40-plus and Helen is 60-plus. To ask an etiquette question, email helen.wallace@cox.net.