AROUND TOWN | LAURA ANDERSON In my Oreo glory this season
I came home from book club the other night and my older son met me just inside the door, holding a yellow familiar package and saying, “Look what I bought!” For a moment my heart skipped a beat as I held my breath and hoped that maybe, just maybe, he had found the elusive cookie of my dreams: Candy Corn Oreos.
Alas, my hopes were dashed. Apple Cider Donut Oreos.
Now most people hear "Candy Corn Oreos" and think "yuck!" And if you’re an Oreo purist, one who thinks that taking a walk on the wild side means buying Double Stuffed, then the idea of an Oreo that tastes like some of the worst, and most popular, Halloween candy is an abomination.
You’d be wrong.
Mind you, I’ve never been a fan of candy corn. I like the flavor, but the waxiness of the candy, coupled with the overwhelming sweetness means I can really only eat two or three of those little sugar toenails without starting to feel nauseous. I used to think candy corn was only made from sugar and little else, but apparently it also contains gelatin, which comes from animal hides and hooves. And if that isn’t enough to make you run out and get a bag right now, the outer shell of the candy corn, the coating that makes it smooth, is made from lac-resin which is an insect secretion. So the next time someone offers you those tempting little nuggets, hold steady with those two words: Insect secretions. Oh, if only there was a way to enjoy that candy corn flavor without all the hooves and insects.
Enter Candy Corn Oreos.
I happened upon them at Target one year by chance and thought, "Well, why not?" Until that point, I was strictly a classic Oreo fan. But Candy Corn Oreos? They could be amazing. Or disgusting. It was pretty much a 50/50 shot. I brought them home, opened the package, selected one, and ate it the way an Oreo was meant to be eaten: Pull off the lid. Eat lid. Scrape filling off with front teeth. Eat bottom. Repeat.
Those Candy Corn Oreos rocked my world. The package didn’t last long and when I went back to Target to buy another package they were all gone. Limited edition. They returned the following autumn, only at Target. This time I bought several packages and froze them, doling them out sparingly over the winter months, knowing there would be no more until the next fall.
And that was it. I never saw them again. Years passed and as summer turned to fall, I’d browse the Target aisles and endcaps, scornfully rejecting the Carmel Apple Oreos and the S’mores Oreos and the Cinnamon Bun Oreos. Nabisco’s creative team started branching the brand off into new and increasingly bizarre directions: Swedish Fish flavor, Root Beer Float, Fruit Punch, Kettle Corn, Apple Pie. Buttered Popcorn? Watermelon? And maybe the most heinous of all: Peeps flavored Oreos. For the love of all that is holy, make it stop! What’s next? Toothpaste flavored Oreos? Sour Cream and Onion? Parmesan and Anchovies?
I had to wonder if Nabisco was secretly competing with Lays to see how far they could stray from their original product before people failed to recognize it anymore. After all, Lays is the brand that rolled out Siracha flavored chips (not bad), Flamin’ Hot Dill Pickle, New York Reuben, Chicken n’ Waffles, and many more that are hits in other countries but not so much in the United States. Anyone for Lay’s Coffee Jelly Oolong Milk Tea chips? But clearly Lays has run out of ideas because this year’s limited-edition flavors are…drumroll please…Doritos Cool Ranch and Funyons Onion. Wait, what? You’re flavoring your chips after two other chips you sell?
Returning to the Apple Cider Donuts Oreos, whose packaging looks remarkably close to the beloved Candy Corn Oreos, I figured beggars can’t be choosers, so I tried it. The cookie was odd. It wasn’t chocolate like regular Oreos, and it wasn’t the golden cookie of the Candy Corn Oreos. It was almost like a sweet, spiced cookie, not as sharp as a ginger snap. “It’s like a Teddy Graham,” my co-worker admitted after tasting one I’d brought in. The filling did taste like apple cider, but in their attempt to replicate the signature sugar that coats the outside of apple cider donuts, they mixed in sugar crystals the lent the filling a kind of gritty consistency. It wasn’t bad but it wasn’t a Candy Corn Oreo. Close but no cigar.
Now there’s an idea. Nabisco, are you listening? You get this idea for free with the promise of bringing back the cookies that I love. Because somewhere, there’s got to be an untapped consumer market for Cigar Flavored Oreos. They’re right next to the Bourbon and Whiskey Flavored ones.
A fair to remember
This just in from The First Congregational Church of Hanover: The First Congregational Church of Hanover (Route 139) will present its Annual Church Fair on Saturday, Nov. 6 from 9:30 a.m. to 2:00 p.m. at the Rev. W. Roscoe Riley Parish Hall. You will see modifications made to the Fair this year. Covid and Delta variant are very much with us. Masks will be expected while attending the church fair. We are in a period of moving forward from the old normal, through the grey of the pandemic, awaiting the renewal. We will follow Governor Baker’s recommendations for any changes. Tables will include knitted and crocheted Items, holiday decorations and a few surprises. Other tables will feature jams, jellies and preserves, and plants of every kind. Homemade baked goods from the ovens of people in the congregation will be available. Visit the White Elephant table with many treasures to be found. Beautiful handcrafted wooden items will be on display. The used jewelry table, appreciated especially by the young people, will return again this year. Be sure to look at our special gift baskets. The “Bits and Pieces “Table will have a variety of homemade crafts, made by parishioners. There will be a Snack Bar open during Fair hours with FREE hot dogs while they last. The Fair is a great way to shop for the holidays and enjoy each other’s fellowship. Hope to see you there! Any questions you can call the Church office at 781-826-4762.