DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve known one of my closest friends for a few years now. We are both flirtatious with each other, which leaves me confused about whether he wants to be more than friends.
One thing I don’t like is that he just stops talking to me over the smallest disagreement. Then, he texts me back a few days later saying that he is sorry for being immature and rude.
I want to give us a chance to try dating, but to do that I think I have to address the fact that he’s too quick to cut me off. Any suggestions on how I should do it?
Approaching a Sensitive Topic
DEAR APPROACHING A SENSITIVE TOPIC: Do not enter into a relationship with this friend without getting clear on how you intend to be together.
Now is the time to be direct and honest. You can admit that you think you both like each other and it could be fun to see if there’s more to your bond than friendship. See what he says in response to that.
Then add that you do have a significant concern — namely, that he is quick to cut you off and step away when you have disagreements. Tell him you do not like that. Ask him why he does it and if he feels he can curb that behavior.
Since he has established a pattern already, watch him to see if he is capable of being more expressive with you rather than reactive. Do not walk into intimacy with him unless you feel that he is willing and capable of keeping the lines of communication open.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m a senior in high school this year, and my sister has just left for college. I’ve already noticed how my parents are becoming attached to me and wanting to spend more time together. They often interrupt me while I’m working and offer to take me out to lunch all the time.
I understand that they are probably feeling lonely with my sister out of the house, but I don’t think it should be up to me to fill that void. It’s just too hard.
How should I create a healthy distance?
Healthy Space Needed
DEAR HEALTHY SPACE NEEDED: The next few weeks may feel a bit bumpy as your family adjusts to the new circumstances. It can be difficult for parents when their children leave to go to college or move out to begin their adult lives. On one hand, your parents are mourning the loss of your sister’s presence. On the other, as you suspect, they are clinging ever more tightly to you. If possible, ease them out of this dependency gently. Find natural ways to make space for yourself without outright rejecting their overtures. Remind them that you have homework to complete. Create a schedule that makes it clear to all what requires your focus.
If they don’t seem to be getting the message, sit down with them and remind them of how much you love them and that you know this is a rough time for them. Point out that you have noticed they have become extra clingy, and you need your space, too. Ensure them that you are not rejecting their love when you ask to be alone, to spend time with your friends or whatever else you need to do. Ask for space to just be. Do your best to stay pleasant. This is a tough situation for all. Hopefully, your awareness will help them to ease up.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
