Bride called out for not making exception for ‘rainbow baby’ at childfree wedding
Posting in the “Am I The A**hole” subreddit, the 33-year-old bride explained that her 42-year-old brother and his wife suffered several miscarriages before welcoming their miracle baby boy four years ago.
Her nephew receives special treatment, she says, which means people turn a blind eye to any misbehaviour, leading him to become “loud, destructive, out of control and punish-less.”
She said a childfree wedding was always on the cards and “wasn’t out of the blue”, but her brother and mother “lost it” when he received a wedding invitation that didn’t include the 4-year-old.
When he asked if his son was an exception, and she said no because the rule would have to be followed by everyone, he apparently hit back with: “You can have your ‘childfree wedding’ but you’re gonna have to make an exception for my son and you know why.”
The groom apologised and explained that they can’t make an exception as the couple’s friends and in-laws have kids too and have had to arrange for babysitters.
Her brother then gave her an ultimatum: he would drop out of the wedding if the couple didn’t amend the invitation.
She wrote: “That caused my family to freak out because [he] is the only and oldest sibling I have and they said his presence at the wedding is a must.
“I had an argument with mom and dad who said the fact I’m choosing this to be my hill to die on and treating [my brother] and my nephew like that was appalling. They emphasized how my nephew is special and I should be ashamed to exclude him even when the wedding is childfree.”
Her parents said, if her brother won’t go, then neither will they. This “devastated” the bride and caused her to “break down.”
Although they hoped her family would eventually come around, they instead doubled down.
“This morning my aunt and uncle dropped out as well as my other uncle last week,” she wrote.
“[My brother] told everyone and they’re supporting him and won’t come unless I make an exception for my nephew but that will upset my guests and they’ll call me hypocrite.
“My family is divided saying I’m ruining my own wedding basically saying this is all on me.”
She added a note at the bottom of the post that said this behaviour from her brother and his wife is normalised and that, when she brings it up, she’s accused of being jealous as she does not have a child. She explained that she was married before meeting her fiancé but divorced her ex-husband due to her inability to have kids.
Those who commented were overwhelmingly on her side.
The top comment with almost 30,000 upvotes said if her family cares more about a 4-year-old going to a wedding than they do about celebrating with her and her new husband, “then that will make the decision about which family to spend the holidays with that much easier.”
They added: “You are not being malicious, you are making a decision about your guest list. Your wedding is about you and your fiancé; it is NOT about your nephew, or your brother and his wife. The fact that they are making it about them is absolutely shameful.”
Another chimed in: “Tell them you’ll ‘miss’ them and enjoy your day.”
Another commenter wrote: “This is your hill to die on. Your SO’s [significant other] family’s children are no less important to you than your nephew just because he was born following losses. Your wedding your rules. Let them miss it, you won’t regret it.... THEY will.”
The comment continued: “You need to set firm boundaries and expectations now. God forbid you ever have kids and your family treats them as less important because they weren’t born after losses.
“Congratulations on the wedding. Forget about them and enjoy starting your life with the man you love.”
It’s a tough situation, but let’s hope it doesn’t turn out like another Reddit wedding story where the bride ejected a couple who brought their child to her childfree wedding.