5 Lessons I Learned From Working With a Personal Trainer—My Best Investment Ever

Every time I change up my fitness routine, I make the same goal: to do a full push up. Building up the strength to finally be able to do so was why I joined CrossFit in 2017 and the reason I began powerlifting two years ago. Then earlier this year, I was bored of the gym, but didn’t know what to do. At the time, I was powerlifting four days a week and went to a HIIT class every Saturday—and I still couldn’t do push ups! Something clearing wasn’t working—I felt unmotivated and wasn't progressing the way I wanted. So I decided to hire a fitness coach who could help me out of my rut.

I found Maddie Danza, a certified strength and conditioning specialist (CSCS). We’ve been working together for about six months, and with her help, I’m getting closer to doing push ups. More importantly, I feel more confident at the gym and have developed a healthier relationship with fitness. Here are five things I learned from working with her, and why finding a personal trainer has been the best investment I've ever made.

Lesson 1: My old workouts weren't supporting my goals.

I get a major case of "gymxiety" when I walk into a typical fitness club. There’s a lot to think about: What exercises should I do? Am I doing them correctly? How much weight can I lift? Which machines should I try (and how do they even work)? Going to a powerlifting gym eliminated that guesswork because I followed a prescribed set of exercises and received instruction from a coach. I never questioned if it was the right workout for me.

But during our first meeting, Maddie asked about my exercise history and goals, then explained why the specific program I followed wasn’t a great match for me. For example, I almost never actually practiced push ups, so I didn’t know how to control my body through the movement. (I literally flopped down the first few times I lowered my body to the ground.) My new program includes doing actual push ups and exercises that target smaller muscles I wasn’t working before. Of course, exercise doesn’t need to be tied to achievements, but I realized an intentional plan is important for me to get where I want.

Lesson 2: Agonizing workouts don’t equal better gains.

I kind of hate using a barbell. But for some reason, I believed they made resistance training more effective than dumbbells or cable machines. That’s why I practiced Olympic lifting and Powerlifting for several years. The problem is that I started dreading the gym about a year and a half into doing each of them (after the novelty of learning something new wore off). Thankfully, Maddie set me straight and explained that a barbell is just one way of increasing resistance on your body, and that there are many more ways to build strength. After a lot of experimentation, we’ve landed on a program that I don’t hate. That’s not to say I love every minute because exercise is uncomfortable at times. But now I know that cable, dumbbell, and body weight exercises are more my jam, so I don’t have to accept agonizing barbell work as a necessary evil. (Unsurprisingly, numerous studies show enjoyment greatly affects whether someone sticks to an exercise routine.) 

Lesson 3: Warmups aren't pointless.

Before working with Maddie, I jumped right into my workouts. I figured my body was warm enough from walking to the gym. Plus, I don’t want to be there for hours, so cutting out the “easy” part seemed like the best way to keep things short.

Now Maddie incorporates about 10 to 15 minutes of mobility exercises at the beginning of each session, which I initially whined about. But she patiently explained that warmups alert the specific muscles you’re targeting that they’re about to get to work! That’s why you want to begin with activities that mimic the movements you’ll be doing that day, meaning my five-minute walk wasn’t doing much to prime my lats for pull up day. Think of it like putting your feet in the ocean first to get used to the temperature before jumping all the way into the cold water. I’ve noticed warming up specific areas before straining them with more intense exercise significantly relieves muscle tightness, which makes training feel easier, so I don’t even skip the warmups when I’m alone.

Lesson 4: I don't have to be good at everything.

I tend to be a perfectionist about most things, including fitness, which may explain why I thought “being fit” meant doing any activity with ease. For me, being in shape looked like running a 10k, doing endless burpees, and pumping out push ups with no problem. I remember the exact moment Maddie blew my mind and changed all that.

I was complaining to her about barely surviving a HIIT class that included an obscene amount of burpees. “Well, how often are you doing burpees?” she asked. (The answer: Um, never.) Then, she said the phrase I always think of whenever I feel discouraged: “You only get good at what you train.” (Wise words that apply to every aspect of life!)

Maddie also pointed out that doing multiple HIIT classes on top of lifting weights four days a week wasn’t giving my body enough recovery time—an extremely important aspect of any workout routine. And I needed energy for my weight-training sessions to maximize muscle growth, she explained. I’ve since scaled things back, leaving room for actual rest days and choosing occasional cardio classes that are fun, but not completely exhausting.   

Lesson 5: Fitness is a long game.

Watching TikTok videos of people who develop impressive biceps in just two months fuels my “I want results NOW” way of thinking. Even though I’ve talked to hundreds of health experts over the years— and know that fitness is individualized—I still fall into the comparison trap. Working with a trainer who stresses the importance of making realistic goals helps put things in perspective. “It’s so important to keep in mind that fitness is a long game,” she always says. Comparing yourself to others is pointless because there’s no way of knowing a person’s eating habits, sleep schedule, genetic makeup, and all the other things that affect body composition and performance. Although I’m still wowed by other people’s achievements that I see on social media or at the gym, I'm now able to chill a little and celebrate my own abilities too.