After daughter's slaying, NJ mom is on a mission to help domestic violence victims

HIGHLAND PARK – Karen Uyar is not quite ready to go through the belongings of her daughter Yasemin, two months after she was killed allegedly by an ex-boyfriend.

While her strength is focused on caring for Yazzi's 3-year-old son Sebastian, she is ready to mount a crusade to strengthen domestic violence laws.

Uyar has reached out to Assemblyman Sterley Stanley, D-Middlesex, to draft a Yasemin's Law to reform New Jersey's domestic violence laws. 

"There has to be tougher laws for someone who commits domestic violence in front of a child. There has to be a stiffer penalty for that," she said.

She's also working with a Morris County nonprofit for survivors of dating, domestic or partner abuse. She is also making plans to hold a Domestic Violence Awareness Month event with a positive message in Donaldson Park.

"If it means reaching one person that didn't have access to resources before, I feel like that's one more person that Yazzi's voice got heard for," she said.

Uyar is also interested in starting a nonprofit in her daughter's name to provide high-quality video camera doorbells for people in domestic violence situations, especially those like her daughter who had a restraining order against a repeat offender.

"I truly in my heart believe that if Yazzi had had that type of a doorbell, it would have saved her life," said Uyar, adding her daughter had a low-quality version that didn't work well.

She plans to travel to Tennessee to place a memorial where her daughter's body was found and meet with some of the motel workers and sheriff's officers involved in her grandson's rescue.

"Because I was not able to touch her before I buried her because of her decomposition, I need to see where she was found," Uyar said.

A wooden cross made by a local man and his young daughter, which has a small space for some of Yasemin's ashes, will be placed on the site.

Has Uyar found a new life's mission?

"It certainly feels like it should be," she said.

Uyar said she doesn't want her daughter to be remembered as a victim.

"I want her to be remembered as someone who fought for her voice and if she's not here to fight for her voice anymore, we'll fight for it," she said.

A child rescued, a mother killed 

Yasemin Uyar met her boyfriend Tyler Rios when they both were students at Highland Park High School. She was a freshman and he was a senior athlete. Their relationship was marred by a long run of domestic violence. 

In early July, Yasemin, 24, and her then 2-year-old son Sebastian, who were living in a Rahway apartment, went missing.

Sebastian failed to show up for daycare and his mother didn't report to work. 

The New Jersey State Police issued an Amber Alert on July 9 for the toddler and listed the suspect as his father, Rios, 27, of Highland Park, who had last been seen in Rahway.

The following day Uyar was notified her grandson had been found safe in Tennessee and his father was in police custody.

But her daughter remained missing until around 8:15 p.m. July 10, when Uyar was notified her daughter's remains had been found in Tennessee.

In the days that followed, Uyar learned the torment her daughter endured.

Court papers revealed Yasemin's body had been found half-naked stuffed in a duffel bag and discarded in the woods. She had been strangled and suffered blunt-force trauma two days before her remains were recovered, according to an autopsy report.   

Court papers also said that before being taken into custody, Rios had called someone he knew and allegedly admitted to having possession of his son and allegedly reported he had killed Uyar and that her body had been in the vehicle "for days" before he disposed of it off a highway.

New Jersey State Police were able to determine the phone call was made from area of the Bethel Inn and Suites in Monterey, Tennessee, where local law enforcement officers found Rios had rented a room. After he refused to leave the room police went in and took him into custody and moved the toddler to a safe location. Yasemin Uyar's car was found in the motel parking lot and her debit card in the room.

Rios then led law enforcement officers to Yasemin's body.

He has been charged with her murder and the kidnapping of his son. He remains in custody at the Essex County Jail in Newark. A court date scheduled for Aug. 26 was canceled and no new date has been scheduled, according to the Union County Prosecutor's Office.

"The horrific murder of Highland Park native Yasemin Uyar, following years of repeated and escalating domestic violence, shook Middlesex County. In spites of Yasemin's courageous efforts to create a safer life for herself and her young son, Sebastian, her life was stolen. Family and friends will keep Yasemin's memory alive for Sebastian. Women Aware and like-minded partners will ensure that Yasemin's voice and survivor's voices continue to be heard," said Phyllis Yonta, CEO of Women Aware, the lead state-designated domestic violence agency in Middlesex County.

The organization is planning a virtual candlelight vigil on Oct.13 for Domestic Violence Awareness Month.

A child asks for mom  

Uyar said the family, including Sebastian, is doing well.

"He had always spent a lot of time with us as a family and with my other grandchildren so it hasn't been a huge adjustment for him, but it has been an adjustment because normally we would be able to FaceTime with mom and such and not being able to do that has been an adjustment," she said.

Uyar said the state Division of Child Protection and Permanency (DCPP) has been working with the toddler getting him therapy as well as providing that service to other family members if needed.

She said he does ask for his mother and the family is following guidelines by providing short answers in response.

"Mom is a beautiful angel up in heaven," Uyar said is what he is told. "Sometimes we talk about butterflies. Mom sends a butterfly to make sure you are OK. I don't think at his age he can comprehend anything more than that. He just turned 3."

"The end goal will be for me to adopt him, but that's a little further down the road right now. The resources that they (DCPP) are giving him are phenomenal and he needs those and as much as I would like to adopt him right now, I feel he needs those resources they are able to give him," Uyar said.

"He's in daycare. He's doing really well. He's definitely a little superhero, a little Ironman or Spiderman every day. He's just a happy-go-lucky kid and so far, we are blessed he is not showing very much negative impact but it's early in his stage of recovery," she said.

The manipulation of a shy girl   

Yasemin Uyar grew up the younger of two daughters. 

"She was always a shy kid, but she was very caring with her little group of friends. She would give them anything they needed," her mother said.

Her daughter had hopes of becoming a nurse or working in the cosmetology field.

Uyar said her daughter also had anxiety issues growing up and would keep to herself, her family or her friends. She had a rough time emotionally with her anxiety while she was pregnant.

"But she just blossomed as a person when she had Sebastian," Uyar said.

Uyar said she doesn't know what initially attracted Rios to her daughter other than maybe he saw vulnerability in her. Because she was shy, Uyar thinks her daughter initially saw his dominance as strength, and protective.

"I think she saw his personality as more outgoing. He was very athletic, very social and she wasn't any of those things," said Uyar.

During their first two years of dating, Uyar became aware there had been some instances of grabbing and shoving.

Related:Friend of slain Rahway mother details abusive relationship

"I had spoken with Tyler many times about it. I remember two years into their relationship that he was putting his hands on her, not in like a punching kind of way," she said.

Uyar said she told him what he was doing to her daughter was not OK. Uyar said she tried to get him to go to counseling, like her daughter did, but he wasn't interested.

"I think he just truly didn't believe that his behavior warranted any kind of correction. I think he believed in his heart that his behavior was normal, and it was her that was not handling it the right way," Uyar said.

Uyar realized the severity of the abuse the first time Rios allegedly choked her daughter and left her unconscious while she was caring for her toddler niece.

"He left her on the floor unconscious, stole her car and left. That was the first time that his abuse really escalated and there would be periods of time where it was very small, mostly mental, emotional but he always, when he had his outbursts of physical violence, it was always two things, put her head through something, a wall, a door, whatever and choking her. It was always the choking. He had choked her on three occasions before this and every single time she reported it. Every single time she got treatment for it," said Uyar, adding Rios was charged each time, sometimes spending up to 60 days in jail.  

Yonta said the fact that an abuser strangled Yasemin in the past made it 10 times more likely that the abuser would kill her. 

"The word 'choked' falls far short of describing what strangulation actually is, a terrifying assault that can kill a victim in a matter of seconds. The lethality associated with strangulation is so high that New Jersey recently enacted legislation elevating strangulation assault to a second-degree crime punishable by 10 years imprisonment, a fine of up to $150,000 or both," Yonta said.

Three months prior to Yasemin's death, Rios was released on a supervised basis and was slated to live with a relative, who later moved out of state. Yasemin was asked to take him in because he had no place to live, Uyar said.

According to Uyar, a judge told Yasemin to contact the court if Rios bothered or harassed her, and she did. The court referred her to local police.

She went to the Rahway police after realizing Rios had entered her home. Yasemin began living with her family because she feared Rios would be at her apartment but eventually got him out of her Rahway home.

But about a week later she realized he was breaking into her apartment at night through a window that didn't lock while she was sleeping or while she was at work, her mother said.

Uyar said her daughter woke up one morning and found her wallet by the toilet and all her identification and everything else in her wallet flushed away. She also realized a set of car keys was missing. Two days later when her car stopped working, her auto mechanic reported finding pink Himalayan salt in the engine and later realized the night her wallet was found near the toilet she had also discovered the bag of salt missing.

She went to Rahway police seeking help and to prove it was Rios. She took along Uber email receipts from his phone that showed he had been dropped off by her apartment at midnight.

Uyar said police accused Yasemin of stalking Rios and suggested charges should be filed against her.

"She left in tears. They were not listening to what she was trying to say. That was two weeks before she was killed," Uyar said. "We all saw the pattern and knew how it all connected but when she would go to the police and try and explain it them all they were concerned about was how did she get in his email."

Uyar said she's received no response from police about a report from midnight Wednesday, July 7 in which a woman walking a dog reported seeing a man, believed to be Rios, walking back and forth in front of Yasemin's Westfield Avenue apartment.

She wants to know if police responded. 

Rahway Police Director Jonathan Parham, declined comment "on this tragic case as it is an ongoing criminal investigation."

The fight for Yazzi's voice to be heard continues 

Uyar said so many times her daughter found the strength to break away from her relationship but ran into obstacles in having her voice heard for help.  

"There were different times where I really felt she was struggling and trying with all the effort she had but wasn't heard," said Uyar, who wants to see more training and awareness for people in a position to help those in domestic violence situations.

"I feel like Yazzi lost her life for this reason and if I have to put a reason to it, besides Sebastian, I feel like it's to help other people in her situation," she said. 

Her daughter talked to others involved in domestic violence support groups and found strength in talking to people who didn't judge her because they had been through the same thing.

"I feel like I need to hear other voices that are just like Yazzi's because they are just like Yazzi's story," said Uyar, who started a Facebrook page for people to help each other and push for reform of domestic violence laws.

 "I understand domestic violence is a very touchy subject and not everyone can discuss it and not everyone can share their lstory, so I totally respect that, but I keep trying to say to people if you can just share something that says, hey I've gone through this too, I understand the situation you are talking about, maybe the politicians will see this is not just Yazzi's situation," she said. "It wasn't just one child in New Jersey that went through this. There are thousands going through this every single day and maybe we can start making that movement toward change." 

When she sees the light bulb that randomly flickers in her home, even after it has been changed several times, she said it's a sign from her daughter that's she on the right track.

Additional information about domestic violence can be obtained from the New Jersey Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-572-SAFE (7233) which operates 24 hours a day, seven days a week.  

Email: srussell@gannettnj.com      

Suzanne Russell is a breaking news reporter for MyCentralJersey.com covering crime, courts and other mayhem. To get unlimited access, please subscribe or activate your digital account today.