Winning At Home: Speak your mind
Most of us have a deep level of love, respect and admiration for the people in our families. Even if you don’t quite fit into that category or your relationship has some challenges, there are still things about every person in your family that you appreciate and enjoy. You might not get along all of the time, but that doesn’t mean there is nothing you respect about their approach to life—that’s part of the reason that people say that it takes all kinds.
Just because somebody has a different outlook on life doesn’t automatically make them wrong, and it definitely doesn’t make them a bad person. It can sometimes feel that way to us because we work so hard to make sure we feel good and right about the way that we choose to do things, but it’s not actually the case.
Think about it for a moment. You and that one sibling may have always been like oil and water, but you still love to see the way they care for their kids. Or your parent or grandparent was too quick to speak their mind, but you always admired the way they stood up for themselves and their family. The list could go on and on, but I’m guessing you’re filling in your own story in your head as you’re reading. Hopefully you see that what can be a weakness in one situation is often a strength in another.
And I’m bringing you on this journey because I want to encourage you to take some time to point out the positives that you see in the lives of your family members. I did this recently. I often have great and positive thoughts about the people in my family. But I realized that I don’t say those things often enough.
This point was driven home when I started acting on it. I shared some compliments with my kids and wife. The response I got was amazing! They were very grateful and thanked me for sharing those affirming words with them.
The way that they responded encouraged me to keep doing it! Until I said those things out loud, I kind of just assumed they knew what I thought. They definitely know that I love them and am here for them. But there’s a difference between knowing how somebody feels and actually hearing them say it.
In your marriage and your family life this week, say something that you’re thinking. Obviously, I mean the good thing! My guess is that your experience will be similar to mine. Your spouse and kids will genuinely appreciate being noticed and called out for their positive, loving traits. It will also mean a lot for them to hear that you care and want to be there for them. In fact, I’m not sure that we will ever run the risk of overdoing it when it comes to words of encouragement and affirmation.
Take some time this week to speak your mind with your family. Let them know that you notice some great stuff happening in their lives. That might mean complimenting them on their kindness, how hard they’re working to grow in a certain area or the way they handled a difficult situation. Or you can just start by telling them you love them. However you go about it, words of praise, encouragement and affirmation will improve your relationships and help you to win more often at home.
— Dan Seaborn is the founder of the Zeeland-based group Winning At Home Inc., which supports and nurtures marriages and families. Email questions or comments to hometeam@winningathome.com.