Why Tho? Helicopter mom can stick to helicoptering her own kid

Old Main on the Penn State University main campus is seen Nov. 9, 2017, in State College, Pennsylvania.
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This is the latest installment of The Oregonian/OregonLive’s advice column, “Why Tho?” by Lizzy Acker. Lizzy’s advice first appears in our weekly advice newsletter. Want to get it early? Subscribe now.

Dear Lizzy,

My child has been accepted to an exclusive college on the other side of the country and there is another local family who will also attend. The mom of this local family is a helicopter parent extraordinaire who wants our kids to be friends and travel together. My child is super independent and does not want to have a travel buddy. How do I deal with the mom while not offending her as I do not want our kids to face any repercussions?

Flightless and Grounded

Dear Flightless and Grounded,

I have to admit that I am not yet a parent of a child old enough to even go to the backyard by herself so the idea of my child someday leaving to go to college across the country fills me with terror and sadness, but also hopefulness, as in, “Let’s hope there is still college and still a country to go across!”

I’ll answer this as a former independent child, since my parenting experience isn’t quite there yet. I think the answer to this question lies with your child, who is already making grown-up decisions about their own life.

Tell the helicopter mom you are not planning your child’s trip and don’t know the details, but you know that your child is excited about the prospect of traveling alone. However, you will pass along that her child is looking for a travel buddy in case the kids want to work something out on their own.

You can add that when the helicopter mom’s child gets to school, they should feel free to look your child up. From there, it really is up to the kids.

College is weird. Maybe they will become best friends -- sometimes someone from home is just the thing you need when you are far away. Or maybe they won’t. One thing I can tell you is that it certainly won’t be up to either of you who they hang out with or what they do.

Congratulations on raising an independent child and also on being brave enough to let them go!

Lizzy

Read more Why Tho?

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