Couple Goals How to Tell if You’re in a Back Burner Relationship?

For many reasons, relationships can get stale. Sometimes, it’s because one partner wantsIt’s that simple. How could this be?  If your relationship feels one-sided, you may be on the back burner.

What is a backburner relationship?

According to psychology professor, Michelle Drouin’s Recent Interview with MediumBack burner relationships can be many things.

“Back burners are people we are romantically or sexually interested in, who we’re not currently involved with,” Drouin explains. “We keep in contact for the possibility that we might someday connect.”

“People can have back burners even if they’re already in a romantic relationship with someone else,” She continued. “Also, a former romantic or sexual partner can still count so long as we still desire a connection with them.”

Therapist for marriage Rabiia Ali told POPSUGARLoneliness is often the cause of backburner relationships. It’s like a “break the glass in case of an emergency personnel.”

Still don’t know whether you are (or have put someone) on the back burner? Here’s how to tell.

They communicate often, but not daily

People get busy. Social anxiety This makes it difficult to answer promptly to texts and calls. Everybody deserves a little grace every now and again.

But if your partner only reaches out to you a few times a week, that’s a cause for concern. Committed relationships thrive on communication.

If they’re not taking the time to touch base with you regularly (at the very least), there’s a good chance their heart’s not in it.

There’s Never Enough Time For You

Do your plans always depend on you? Their schedule? Are they able to come up with excuses for having to cancel at the last moment?

It is okay to have some fun with the planning. A healthy relationship requires all involved to actively try to grow and spend time together.

Your time is just as valuable as theirs—why do they reserve the right to waste yours?

They Like Flirting With You, But You Can’t Flirt With Them

After a long hiatus, your partner finally responds to you with a flirty message. You feel your heart beat faster and all your doubts disappear. Things are heating up!

Then, you reply in kind—and in a second, everything is ice cold again. It is a pleasure for your partner to have romantic or sexual conversations with you, but it can freeze when they do.

One-sided flirting could be a sign that they’re only using you for validation. You might not be interested to pursue a relationship with your partner.

They only reach out to you when they are in need of something

Consider how your partner touches you every time they reach out to help. Are they asking for favors or are they just trying to help? Are they quick to ask for favors?

Consider the times that they reach out for help. Is it only late at night, as though they couldn’t find anything else to do?

If you feel like you’re the last resort or the constant helper with little to no reciprocation, then it might be time to rethink your relationship.

They Don’t Invite You To Social Events

As important as when you see each other. Where. I’m not saying you two should attach at the hip. But if they never invite you to social functions like work parties, hang-outs, family events, etc., that could be their not-so-subtle way of saying they don’t consider your relationship serious.

After all, if they cared for you, why wouldn’t they want you there?

You Don’t Like How You Feel

The most difficult red flag to spot is how you feel. If we have googly-eyes and are in love with someone, we tend to ignore their mistakes (and our bad feelings).

Are you happier, fulfilled, and desired than do you feel confused, sad, or lonely? Is your attitude towards them and your relationship positive or negative?

You shouldn’t feel bad about 99 percent of the time, aside from the ups or downs that come with any healthy relationship.

All relationships are two-way. How can you tell which relationship is right for you? you’reYou are the one who is putting someone else last?

They are more appealing to you than the idea of them

Online dating, misleading social networks, and general daydreaming can blur the line between reality and perception. Maybe it’s catfishing; maybe it’s poor communication.

Either way, it’s important to evaluate others honestly. Are you comfortable with the person they are? Do you prefer the idea of you? thought that person was?

It’s easy to fall in love with figments of our imagination. It’s not always so easy to notice when it happens.

You Don’t Like How You Feel

Backburner relationships are great for making both sides feel like crap. Pay attention to your feelings about and with them.

Are you annoyed by the constant reminders? “neediness” or their inability to leave? Are their quirks causing you to get irritated? Are they more appealing over the phone or in-person?

It isn’t normal to hate your partner, despite what years of bickering sitcom couples would have you believe. Do your partner a favor and do away if you feel constantly angry, suffocated, or unhappy.

“The truth is, you deserve to be accepted, respected, and loved for who you are,” Psychotherapists Lin Anderson and Aaron Sternlicht told Bustle. (Inversely, your back burner bae is entitled to the same respect.

“Ask yourself, ‘am I happy in this relationship’ or ‘is this how I want to spend the rest of my life?’” Anderson and Sternlicht continue.

If you have trouble answering either question, your heart is already telling you loud and clear. For both of your sakes, don’t ignore it.