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It’s hard to explain the facts of baseball life to young children, especially when they’re crying over their video game controllers about the mass dumping of their favorite Chicago Cubs players.
Whether it was Kris Bryant, Javier Báez, Anthony Rizzo or Ryan Tepera — OK, maybe not him — the loss can be painful for anyone who has rooted for that person since donning their first Cubs onesie.
As one of the foremost experts in Cubs player dumps, I can confirm this is the cruelest one yet, based on a formula that multiplies the number of fans who bought a Cubs jersey of one of the players dealt by the number of home runs hit/shutout innings pitched by said players in their debuts with a new team. The last time Cubs fans were this visibly upset was when lovable infielder Mark DeRosa was dealt to the Cleveland Indians on New Years Eve 2008 to clear salary for the signing of unlovable outfielder Milton Bradley.
Most rational humans, which include a good number of Cubs fans, understand baseball is a business and stars tend to get traded for one reason or another, usually relating to money. New stars will be on their way sooner or later, depending on the speed of the rebuild.
Still, many youngsters can’t fully comprehend the sudden departure of their heroes. Even Cubs President Jed Hoyer said he had to talk to his young son about the players he had just traded. So as a public service to fans, we’ve prepared a list of talking points to help you explain the Cubs sell-off to your children.
1. ‘Rizzo (or Bryant or Báez) has gone on to a better place.’
Instead of trying to soothe your children’s anguish, convince them that the Cubs player is happier because he is now on a team that wants to win the World Series.
Remind your child that the Cubs were in a World Series when they were little, in case they’ve have moved on to “Minecraft” or “Super Mario 3D World.” Inform them there are many YouTube videos of their favorite player in a Cubs uniform, and those videos will never be deleted.
2. ‘Even Babe Ruth was traded.’
Some of the best players ever were traded, like the Babe himself.
If they reply, “Who is Babe Ruth?” proceed to option B: “Even Yu Darvish was traded.”
The always helpful Marquee Sports Network pointed this fact out with a graphic Monday on “notable Cubs players who have been traded,” listing Báez, Bryant, Rizzo, Craig Kimbrel, Greg Maddux, Billy Williams, Fergie Jenkins and Ron Santo. Sammy Sosa, who hit 545 home runs as a Cub before being dealt to the Baltimore Orioles in 2005, did not make the list for reasons we only can guess at.
3. ‘Bryant (or Báez or Rizzo) wanted a raise, but the Cubs owners did not want to pay him as much as he wanted.’
This part is tricky because the only offer that was leaked was the reported five-year, $70 million one to Rizzo. Don’t overwhelm your child by throwing around eight- or nine-figure salaries or discussions about the luxury tax.
Just explain that people who work deserve to get paid, but sometimes people disagree with their bosses on how much they deserve. When that happens in baseball, either a player has to leave or the owner must sell the team. (The owner never sells the team, but that’s a lesson they’re too young to deal with unless they’re 10 or older.)
4. ‘When I was your age, the Cubs traded (insert player’s name), and I cried for days.’
Assure the child that he or she will get through this tough time, just as you did when the Cubs traded José Cardenal, Turk Wendell, Glenallen Hill or any fan favorite from your childhood. Explain that you then fell in love with Joe Wallis, Brant Brown, Matt Stairs or any other player who wore the same uniform, played at the same ballpark and was gone a few years later.
Search Netflix for “The Lion King” to remind the child of the circle of life, and buy yourself some time to dump those tickets to a Pittsburgh Pirates game in September.
5. ‘Owners are people too.’
Just because someone is a billionaire doesn’t make them bad, nor does running a sports team like a business mean they don’t have the same emotions as you and me. They are just filthy rich — that’s all.
The owners of the Cubs, the Ricketts family, still like the player, even if they don’t like the idea of paying him more money than they feel he is worth when considering the organization’s cash flow and his declining WAR.
Whenever mentioning the Rickettses, remember not to bring the family’s donations to the campaigns of former President Donald Trump into the conversation. It will only confuse the kids.
6. ‘We can still root for Báez (or Rizzo or Bryant) on his new team.’
Consider a trip to Milwaukee this weekend to see Bryant and the San Francisco Giants play the Brewers at Wrigley Field North or one to the South Side next week to watch Rizzo and the New York Yankees face the White Sox.
The end of their Cubs careers simply means your child has more teams to follow, even if one of those teams is the hated New York Mets.
7. ‘Hey, buddy, we’ll get you a Willson Contreras jersey for Christmas.’
Assuming Contreras is still here by then. If not, a Kyle Hendricks jersey should be good through at least 2024.
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