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The most toxic self-love tips that people should stop promoting immediately

Posted by 
Indy100
Indy100
 2021-06-13
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Self-care is essential for everyone to practice to better themselves.

It encompasses living a healthier lifestyle that can include working out in the gym and eating better foods. It also entails emotional, social, and mental wellbeing.

Sometimes, we may take advice from others, such as “cut the people off who don’t serve you,” or this is what you need to be “positive” and have a sense of fulfillment. But it doesn’t always work, nor is it the best for the life journey.

A Reddit post by u/redhead_in_red that said, “What’s some popular self-care/self-love advice that is actually really toxic?” prompted fellow Redditors to consider the advice that they repeatedly see shared, but may actually be harmful.

Check out what they had to say below.

1. “If they can’t handle my worst, they don’t deserve my best,” funny how those people are always at their ‘worst’.” —u/Team-Hero.

Of course, you’re not always going to be in the best mood or handle a situation with grace all the time. But if there is always a negative mood or always handling a situation without tact, it becomes problematic.

2. “‘Always trust your feelings.’ This advice is everywhere. No, oftentimes, our feelings require introspection to work through them and make positive change.” —u/youkick.

Trusting your feelings and gut are commonly said. However, sometimes going deep within to really make necessary improvements in life.

3. “That you should expect unconditional support, love and acceptance from friends or romantic partners. Popular idea, but if people really care, they will tell you when you are harming yourself or others rather than just keep the vibe chill.” —u/Affectionate_Long677.

Yes. If someone truly cares about you, they won’t tell you things to stroke your ego. They want you to evolve as a person.

4. “’Live your truth.’ There is a fine line between authenticity and being an a**hole.” —u/Kurgan1536.

Absolutely, this depends on the context. You can’t be mean-spirited and expect others to be comfortable.

5. “‘Show them what they’re missing.’ No. Just do better for yourself.” —u/Thatdudedoesnotabide.

You shouldn’t feel the need to prove yourself to others or do things out of spite.

6. “The sort of ‘positivity’ that relies on dragging other people down. I see it the most around body image issues in particular (but it can apply to other things too), and I just think it’s really sad. It doesn’t solve any of the underlying issues, just makes more people feel rubbish about themselves!” —u/ClydeB3.

Positivity shouldn't be at the expense of putting others down. That is actually negativity.

7. “I once read something that said “honesty without kindness is cruelty,” and I think about that a lot when I’m deciding whether or not to say something.” —u/girlnumber_three.

It’s always great to be honest about things. Just make sure that the tone and delivery aren’t condescending.

8. “Once you fall out of love with someone, you cannot fall back in love with them. [The] Worst advice I ever got. I’m so glad I gave it a second try.” —u/LifeIsBeautiful365.

There’s always room to love someone again. Whether that’s tomorrow or a year or two from now, anything is possible.

9. “‘One of the most toxic mindsets is ‘You can’t have [insert mental illness here] because you’re in a good situation.’ In case you needed to be reminded Sharon, mental illness doesn’t discriminate. It doesn’t exclusively affect minorities and oppressed groups.”—u/LeahDell_04.

It doesn’t matter if you are wealthy or struggle financially in life; mental illness can happen to anyone. It’s just as important to handle the situations with attention and care.

10. “There’s also the problem that sometimes we have to go through some unpleasant things in the short term to get worthwhile benefits in the long term. If you always avoid things that make you uncomfortable, you’re probably stunting your own growth.”—u/Lemina.

If you’re avoiding having to speak in front of a crowd, you should actually go ahead and try it. Try not to limit yourself.

11. “Any kind of advice that tells you to test friendships by withholding contact to see if they’ll notice or straight up tells you to drop friends that don’t reach out to you regularly. This is a very selfish and passive-aggressive thing to do. If you miss your friend, then call them up, don’t play cat and mouse games. Maybe they have shit going on in their lives, the world does not revolve around you.”—u/SquilliamFancySon95.

A friend could really be going through a rough patch and isn’t really communicating with people. It doesn’t mean they don’t care about you because you haven’t heard from them in a week.

12. ”The ‘how not to give a f**k’ nonsense. I agree, don’t give a f**k what people think if you enjoy a certain type of music. But do give a f**k about how your actions affect other people. Unfortunately, it seems that many people just take it to mean ‘don’t care that you might hurt other people.’ In order to self-care and self-love, it is important to consider what consequences your actions have on the world around you.”—u/AGrayishCat.

At some point, there has to be some sort of care about how your actions might affect those around you.

13. “The whole ‘blood is thicker than water’ advice where you should feel obligated to be loyal to your family no matter what. If they are toxic or abusive, then there is no reason for you to keep that around in your life, especially if it is detrimental to your own well-being/mental health.”—u/-eDgAR-.

Although there may be love for family members that treat you poorly, it is best to keep a healthy distance from them.

14. “‘Find a job you love, and you’ll never work a day in your life.’ First of all, even a job you love is going to suck...often. That’s why they pay you to do it. This advice leaves you feeling like a failure whenever you have a bad day at work. Plus, there’s a lot of value in working for a living and finding your satisfaction at a more personal level.”—u/YourFriendNoo.

There will be days that are worse than others. And no, you aren’t a failure if this happens.

15. “Toxic positivity.”—u/tommykiddo.

If you are going through a hard time, it’s fine to go through the emotions. Don’t force yourself to put on a ‘happy face’ because you start to invalidate your feelings. Confront your feelings so you can come to terms with yourself. That’s one of the best ways to grow.

16. “Anything with ‘detoxify’ in the description. If you have a liver, you already do this. A juice cleanse isn’t going to make up for your bottle of vodka and may even make it worse.” —u/JBerg18.

17. “’Man up,’ ‘Keep it together,’ or ‘be strong’ when you’re either in pain or on the verge of tears for different reasons, as if crying is a sin when you’re a guy.”—u/Evileye37.

A classic example of double standards. Men and women alike shouldn’t feel shame for crying when they’re feeling sad.

18. “’Everything happens for a reason.’ Enough said I think.”—u/Zombnom.

Of course, there are causes and effects to things that happen, but if someone is grieving over the loss of someone dear to them, that’s not the best thing to say.

19. “Astrology? I’m glad it gives you comfort, but if you start basing life decisions on the ‘effects’ of the stars, you’re probably going to have a bad time.” -u/Rabblerabblerabbl.

Yeah, Astrology shouldn’t dictate whether or not you buy a home or pay your bills on time just because it’s not a “good day” on the calendar.

20. “‘Make everything all about you because you’re worth it! Don’t take ‘no’ for an answer!!! Pester them until you get a ‘yes!!!’”—u/antipho.

You are worth it, but not when you become self-centered and selfish towards others. Also, being affirmative and confident that you will eventually get a ‘yes’ is motivating unless you are actually bothering someone to the point of no return.

21. “‘People have it worse than you.’ That may be true but that doesn’t invalidate your emotions.”—u/BX56_YT.

Exactly. How you feel about something that happened to you or are currently going through still matters and isn’t less significant.

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