Howie Mandel on living with anxiety and OCD: 'I'm living a nightmare'

Howie Mandel is perhaps most universally known as the former host of reality game show Deal or No Deal and current judge on reality competition series America's Got Talent, but the 65-year-old comedian got realer than ever for People's newest cover story.

Mandel opened up about his lifelong and ongoing struggle with anxiety and obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) that he first made public in 2006 with Howard Stern.

"I'm living a nightmare," he said, later adding: "People see inconsistencies, especially in the media. 'Oh he hugged someone' or 'he shook someone's hand.' I can shake your hand. But then I'd think I didn't wash it well enough. And I'd go back and forth in a loop washing my hands for hours. I understand the funny in that. But it doesn't mean it isn't incredibly painful. And I don't want to defend my mental health. I just want to maintain it."

Mandel also touched on how the COVID-19 pandemic intensified his condition: "There isn't a waking moment of my life when 'we could die' doesn't come into my psyche. But the solace I would get would be the fact that everybody around me was okay. It's good to latch onto okay. But [during the pandemic] the whole world was not okay. And it was absolute hell."

The accompanying cover story video features Mandel's 36-year-old daughter Jackie, who also suffers from anxiety and OCD. The father-daughter duo, who admit they hadn't seen each other for an entire year, have a new comedic podcast together called Howie Mandel Does Stuff.

Watch the full 21-minute feature below.