Tips on Being Single and Loving It
I never thought I would say this, but after years and years of two long-term relationships that went down in pretty toxic flames: I love being single. I love being on my own. I love being the one who is responsible for my own time, my own life, my own dreams, and my own home. And you can love it too!
Many of my single friends are dating, looking to date, constantly obsessed with dating but I realize as time passes that I might not be about that life right now. It sounds very stressful! There are all of these norms and roles, and rules - spoken and unspoken - that I just can’t make sense of, and I think from the stories I hear, most people are struggling out there in this “dating world.” I am all for love, I am all for relationships that are good, but I do not know if I am all for looking and searching and seeking one out right now. And I think that is a good and okay thing.
You have to love being single if you are single. Because being single is not an identity or a flaw. It is not a fault or a failing. It is a way of life. Being single is being you, independent, exploring, open and free. Being single is being you as you, for you, with you, and all about you. It is not being selfish. It is not being lonely. It is being able to truly love your own company and to be very wise and intentional about who you let into your life, what you do with your time, and how you want your days and nights to go.
I suppose I am learning to believe more in balance and in time. I have time to achieve the balance I want in life and then to see where someone new might fit in.
A few tips and tricks for loving you as single you?
First: Value your independence. You get to decide how to have your day, what to do with your day, what to make for dinner, if you want to make dinner at all, and your mood for the day. There is no one there to mess with this freedom or to demand things of you that do not fit with what you want to do. Think back to the times you were in those relationships and wanted that alone time, well - now it is here and it is all yours, and it is light and glorious. Nothing heavy to cramp it up, just you and a world of possibilities!
Second: Try New Things. This is your time. In every good way. It is your time to do you. Be you. Explore you. Join something that you have always wanted to join, go places you have always wanted to go. Volunteer with a local nonprofit. Take a class at a gym. Find a new spot to eat. You are you and that is enough and you can take yourself wherever you want to go!
Third: Cherish the good friendships in your life. Friends are magic. Friends are wonderful. Remember in those past relationships when it was all about you two, or maybe you and his friends, you and his family, doing whatever he wanted to do? No more! It is you and your friends and you can enjoy them! Go bowling, take a walking tour, have potlucks - truly live, laugh and love with those good friends in your life who saw you through the toxic relationship, the breakup, and beyond.
And lastly, enjoy your solitude. Read, write, journal, do yoga, have tea, binge watch a new show or one of your old favorites. Enjoy this time to be you, in silence and peace. Meditate. Go for long walks. Learn how to make new recipes. Just breathe in and out and be in the moment with you and your surroundings. Feel the peace and know you are perfect and okay just as you are, perfectly imperfect which is the best we humans can do. Appreciate it. Be grateful for it.
The time will come when you might bump into someone at one of these new life things you’ve been doing. Or you might download an app and spin the wheel to see how it goes with the dating scene. Or you might decide that is not for you. Taking time to love you as you, to love the single life, and to figure out what peace feels like before entertaining the options of letting someone else in, is wise and it is kind. There is no need to rush or worry! Enjoy your you time and all the good that it brings into your life.