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David Andrew Wiebe

I’m a Sigma Male Through and Through

2021-01-28

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I stumbled upon a video on YouTube. Somehow, I ended up watching all the way through. And I was shocked.

The video had acted as a mirror, reflecting myself back to me. I saw some things about myself I had never totally understood before.

And that’s what I’d like to delve into here. It is not so much about Alpha, Beta, and Sigma males (which we will get into), but more about self-discovery and the value of engaging in it. Sources are cited throughout and at the end.

The Value of Personality & Aptitude Tests

Many avoid categorization, but I have never regretted taking personality tests or learning more about the type of human being that I am.

I have found value in the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, the 5 Love Languages, Humorism, numerology, Heidi Sawyer (intuitive-sensitive), and others.

These are worth exploring regardless of your qualifications or relationship status, even where that might seem to apply.

Even the 5 Love Languages, which appears to require martial status, is just as relevant to the individual as it is to how you relate to those around you.

My core mission is to inspire creatives and creators, and I often find myself recommending that they engage in some self-exploration too, as it can lead to more ease and personal confidence.

Understanding myself has led to various breakthroughs in my life. In addition to helping me understand myself better, it has, at times, saved me from enduring sadness and depression.

This Was My Latest Discovery

I did not know that I was a Sigma male – at least not until I watched TopThink’s video on 10 Signs You’re a Sigma Male.

But let’s step back for just a moment and define what we’re getting into here.

When we refer to men as “Alpha,” “Beta,” or otherwise, we are basically pointing to archetypes.

Archetypes exist for a reason, but as we all know, they tend to assign broader definitions to individuals. These descriptions may not apply to nuances of a personality, especially at a more granular level.

Greater Good Science Center even called Alpha males a “myth.” Certainly, archetypes shouldn’t be considered hard and fast science.

It might be more accurate to say that men wax and wane between Alpha and Beta depending on what’s going on in their lives, as there are plenty of shades in between.

An Alpha male may also be labeled a “Type A.” Basically, they are trend setters, go-getters, leaders, and decisionmakers that exude confidence and masculinity.

Beta males are generally followers and worker bees. They are considered submissive, insecure, and weak-willed. They may spend a lot of money to look like Alpha males because of their insecurity and desires to be more like Alphas.

You can certainly see where some of these labels may be unhelpful, and even judgmental, at least in a broader sense.

Sigma males are a little different. They tend to play by their own rules. But I’ll get into that.

How Did You Figure Out You Were a Sigma Male?

When I watched TopThink’s video, I felt as though they were describing me at every turn. So, let’s just say it wasn’t a challenge for me to identify as a Sigma.

But I was surprised that someone with my exact tendencies and idiosyncrasies could be pinned down. Which is helpful, at least to the extent that I now know I’m not alone. There are more like me.

Here are the 10 points covered in TopThink’s video.

Rejecting Expectations

“A Sigma male doesn’t care about social standings or hierarchies. They ignore social norms, trends, and expectations. To a Sigma male, there is no correct way to dress, speak, or act.”

· To me, people are people. And I talk to them that way regardless of standing or rank. The rare exception might be my heroes, most of whom aren’t household names.

· I consider myself fashion forward but not fashion trendy. I like to minimize the decisions I make in a day, so my wardrobe is relatively small, making choices quick and easy ("hmm... what's comfortable?").

· My friends say I have different personas for different situations, but I am not mindful of them, and am liable to act however I feel like acting in any situation.

Material Insignificance

“So, instead of chasing luxuries, a Sigma male focuses on immaterial accomplishments. If you’re a Sigma male, you dedicate your life to the pursuit of your passions. You seek knowledge, skill, and wisdom day after day.”

· Since 2012, I have always driven 10-year-old cars. Today, I drive a 2010 Chevy Impala.

· I have been creative since birth, and have always enjoyed creating – visual art, music, writing, and more. There’s always time in my day for my passions.

· I’m an avid reader and listener of podcasts and people sometimes ask and wonder aloud how I know so much. I’ve also been called a walking encyclopedia or dictionary.

Self-Management

“In the workplace, Sigma males feel stuck, like they’re sitting in stopped traffic. They don’t want anything or anyone slowing them down. They want to solve problems their own way. They want space and flexibility to rethink, reinvent, and reshape.”

· I have only ever worked in traditional employment for six months. Aside from that, I have always been a casual employee, contractor, consultant, instructor, entrepreneur, or independent provider of products and services.

· I have been working entirely from home since 2016.

· In 2019, I started living nomadically and working remotely.

· I don’t like authority and have butted heads with clients who tried to control my schedule. I don’t thrive or work well being told what to do or how to do it.

Mysterious Privacy

“Friends may feel like they’re always unwrapping new layers of this complex archetype.”

· Even those who know me best call me an “onion” and see that I have more layers than they could peel away – perhaps in a lifetime.

· I protect my passions and interests because I don’t feel the need to share. I don’t advertise my accomplishments. When I have, it has usually backfired and hasn’t helped my social standing or career one bit.

· For the most part, I don’t want or need approval. My passions are my own to enjoy, though there certainly are benefactors.

Humble Leadership

“Sigma males generate as much power and respect as an Alpha without lording over anyone.”

· I don’t think of myself as a leader, but in situations where I am, I lead by example.

· I don’t intimidate or dominate others because I don’t want to and see no reason to. All people are worthy of dignity and respect.

· I’m more interested in making myself proud than in making others proud.

Independent Pursuits

“Now, many Sigmas think they’ll get more done on their own, and they’re usually right. So, they turn down leadership positions and pursue success independently.”

· I don’t actively seek leadership positions. But I will happily be a leader in any of my projects, communities, or businesses, which I am.

· I do get a lot done on my own. This hasn’t always panned out, though, because I would have more time for what matters if I handed off menial tasks.

· My work life may not always be stable (I would still argue it has been quite stable in the last seven years or so), but I’m always in pursuit of something that fulfills me over something that pays the bills, which I consider most important.

The Sigma Lifestyle

“For a Sigma male, nothing is worse than a controlling person. They can’t stand it when someone tries to change their lifestyle. Sigma males do what they want when they want. Anyone who tries to impose expectations on a Sigma male may get kicked to the curb.”

· I often go grocery shipping on Monday or Tuesday mornings.

· If I’m going to escape to the beach or the mountains, or even fly somewhere, I will choose a weekday, instead of the weekends.

· I have butted heads with clients who wanted me to work certain hours, or a certain number of hours.

· I do not see my lifestyle as set in stone, but there’s no denying that I like to do certain things at a certain time in a certain way.

Confident Introversion

“Sigma males are rarely extroverted. Instead, they’re independent and solitary introverts.”

· I do have a social life, but most of my time – especially work – is spent alone.

· I tend to listen more than I talk. Which sometimes confuses people. For me, there is always something going on in life, always something to talk about, and always a drivenness behind it. Just that I feel no need to brag about it.

Room to Breathe

“Sigma males require a lot of personal space. They need plenty of flexibility to do their own thing, to chase new adventures, to travel and explore. They need to satisfy their internal drive to learn and to achieve, and they don’t want anyone to hold them back.”

· I love learning, traveling, and exploring. They are among some of my favorite things to do. As noted earlier, I became a digital nomad towards the end of 2019.

· I have always done everything my way, on my own time, at my own pace. And Alphas don’t like that ambiguity. They want to know the details of how and when things get done. And I don’t get along with them because I feel how I do my work is proprietary, and I don’t work the way they do.

· I sometimes get so absorbed in my passions that friends and family worry.

The Outlier

“Sigma males, by nature, defy labels and archetypes. They exist outside the usual categories and expectations. They don’t fit into any of the most common groups because they themselves are uncommon. They walk a path that only they could walk.”

· Which sounds braggadocios to me, and even that response is typically Sigma.

· I have pursued careers as a guitar teacher, blogger, podcaster, YouTuber, musician, and even entrepreneur. I have combined many of my passions which I now pursue simultaneously.

· I had to come up with a term for what I do. It's “creative alchemy.”

What Can We Take Away from All This?

Well, at the outset, let me say this. I don’t consider myself superior in any way. Which is perhaps a very Sigma thing to say.

Categorization is helpful to the extent that it helps us individually. But as I’ve warned others in personal development, “your self-improvement efforts are not to be weaponized.”

What you learn about yourself is to your merit. And you can use it to change the way you interact and communicate with others.

You can have breakthroughs in communication by being more authentic and genuine.

But whatever you learn should not be held or used against others. It should not be used to manipulate or exploit them.

It’s important to understand that we all grow at different rates. And you can’t assume that others know what you know because this is rarely true.

Bottom line – if it’s meaningful to you, it’s useful. But that’s the extent of it, unless you use what you learn about yourself to change and improve the way you relate to others.

Final Thoughts – Are You a Sigma Male too?

Self-awareness can help with every dimension of life. Instead of trying to be something you’re not, you can learn to embrace yourself as you are, and orient yourself toward the things that matter most to you – rather than the things society says should matter to you.

If you’re a Sigma male, then recognize both your strengths and weaknesses and act with full awareness of each. This will lead to a more rewarding life.

Sources

· TopThink – 10 Signs You’re a Sigma Male, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Aoof8rEPQb0

· Greater Good – The Myth of the Alpha Male, https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/the_myth_of_the_alpha_male

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