Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Submit it here or post it in the Slate Parenting Facebook group. My son is 8 years old and has been invited to spend a week with his cousin (from my husband’s side) of the same age at the beach. Only he was invited (not my other kids), which is fine since he is really close to that particular cousin. However, I have an issue. If I’m accused of being a helicopter parent, then my in-laws are the polar opposite. They drink and smoke (many substances) in front of their kids. They are laid back and love to stay up late and have fun. They also have no problem driving while tipsy, and don’t even have booster seats for their older kids. Obviously, their life, their choice, but we are talking about them becoming my son’s primary caregivers for a week. Since becoming a parent, I’ve become a “stick in the mud” according to them. I make my kids use car seats and booster seats, I make them go to bed at a reasonable time, I limit their sugar (they get crazy). I’m simply no fun. When I was approached about this trip, my first reaction was “absolutely not,” but I can’t really say why without creating a big rift that makes it look like I’m judging their parental style. My husband understands my fears but wants to give his family some credit, after all, they managed to successfully raise kids of their own. I’m uncertain of where to go from here. Say no, say yes, say yes with conditions that would absolutely affect how the family kicks back during their vacation. And can I even trust them to fulfill basic parenting rules, such as not drinking and driving?
