When I finally became a mother, after many years of heartache, with four failed IVFs, two miscarriages and total emotional exhaustion, I was overjoyed. I had fallen pregnant naturally, at the age of 40, which seemed amazing given that even the doctors seemed to have given up hope. Then, at 43, I conceived naturally again. My children, Clemency and Wilbur, felt like gifts from the universe. There was the obvious elation and absolute gratitude, but it was accompanied by many questions, too. Mainly: why did no one tell us it would be this tough?