The power of Hope compels us. This should have been my first post when I began working at over a decade ago. The facts were made known to me by the brilliant Jennifer DeSplinter, a former student who, after reading a series of letters published in Harper’s, discovered the root of my unhealthy preoccupation with Bob “Subdural Haematoma” Hope. For years, I had misplaced the vital documents I am about to detail. I pray that it’s not too late to help others affected by the traumatic brain injuries heaped upon them by Hope. God bless Sally Fox. Were it not for her brave disclosures, who knows how many others might never have been made aware of the true source behind their acquired brain injury. To this day, years after his death, Bob Hope continues to interfere with the thought patterns of millions worldwide, myself included. A high level industry source confirms that all of the video releases of Hope’s film and television work are electronically encoded with telekinetic thought transponders. These invisible carriers not only assault the memories of those who purchase and download the videos, but all who enter their domiciles as well. The man is indeed more dangerous dead than he ever was alive. Mr. Hope was set to leave us in January of 2001 after helping to inaugurate the second reign of the antiChrist, but was kept alive until after war was waged against Iraq. (President Bush declared war on March 18, 2003 and Mr. Hope was taken from us on July 23, 2003.) Am I the only conspiracy theorist who finds it odd that “Hope” and “Atta” have 4 letters in their last names, or that Bob had a secretary named Kennedy and Mohammad’s secretary was named Lincoln? Coincidence? I think not. Thanks to Ms. Fox, it’s been over 30 years since I last uttered the comedian’s name without an adjectival “violently insane” to qualify it. Turns out the joke’s on me. Recent findings reveal funnyman Hope and Uncle Sam did indeed join forces in an experiment to combine entertainment with thought control. Idn’t dat nutty? The mind-blowing revelations await you online.