The Dark Truth About Childhood Trauma and the Curse of Exulansis
Photo byPhoto credit: https://unsplash.com/@cedericvandenberghe. When I was a small child, I didn’t tell anyone what life with my mother looked like, out of fear. Fear was an emotion that was easy for me to recognize: manifesting in a panic that they would take away me from her (and placed somewhere even worse), worry that she couldn’t survive without me, and concern that she would get into trouble.
Read full storyTo Be Opened on 09/18/2023: A Letter to My Future Self
A story about life, love, loss, and the zero year curse. Well, it is September 18, 2023. You are now officially 40-years, one month, and 16 days old. This means you have walked this earth one day longer than your mother had the chance to.
Read full storyHow You Handle Trauma Affects How You Make Decisions
Her office is the epitome of hippy-dippy, mindfulness therapy. I love it in there. The wall decals that cling to dear life say things like "tranquility." She has one of those "water running over rocks," serenity sound things. I found myself in her office because I was searching for tranquility and peace. Books upon books on trauma, anxiety, depression, and, of course, a copy of The Body Keeps the Score. (Seriously, if you have lived through any type of trauma, you should read this book.) I find comfort and knowledge in her office, but we also have many conversations about decision making and the impact those decisions have on the future.
Read full storyThe Terrible Price I Paid Because of My Mother's Bad Parenting
This act of bad parenting by my mother would ultimately set me free from a lifetime of feeling unworthy. She always found me lacking — starting from the day she abandoned me at five. Now, after being reunited after years of separation, she seemed flabbergasted that I was nearly 18 years old and still a virgin. She blamed this on my grandma’s stifling style of child-rearing. However, I couldn’t help but feel like she really thought the problem was me. I lacked her passion for reckless behavior and rule-breaking.
Read full storyHow I Quit My Professional Job and Followed My True Calling
Some advice and tips if you are struggling with where life is right now. The path and definition of success are different for everyone. Not everyone goes to college for four years, graduates, gets the perfect job, and lives happily ever after. It can be a more arduous quest with many starts and stops, including a few ‘come to Jesus’ moments. In those moments, when you question everything, is where you can often find the strength to live happily.
Read full storyThe Animals My Mother Killed or Neglected Taught Me the Meaning of Love
Photo credit: https://unsplash.com/@francisdelapena. I'm not sure how old I was, but I know I was very young...maybe 6? I remember begging and pleading with my mother about getting a rabbit.
Read full storyThe Cost of Living With My Mom in Witness Protection
Originally published in PS I Love You. If you haven't read part one of this story, then please click here; for part two, please click here. Two weeks before my eighteenth birthday, my grandparents took my sister and me on a surprise trip to Montana. I didn’t know that we would visit my mom, who had been relocated to the witness protection program for the last four years. I couldn’t believe I would see my mom again, after being told that wasn’t possible.
Read full storyReunited With My Mother Who Entered Witness Protection
Originally published in PS I Love You. If you haven't read part one of this story, then you might want to start here. After revealing that we would visit my mother, who had been gone for four years, we stopped at a hotel several hours from my mom and her husband. My grandma called my mom and told her where we were staying. I sat in utter disbelief, while we waited for her to get there since I had believed I would never see my mother again.
Read full storyMy Mother Entered Witness Protection, Leaving Me Behind
A version of this story appeared in P.S. I Love You. The summer I turned 14 my mother's reckless lifestyle got up to her and she entered WITSEC, the federal witness protection program. The incidents that led up to this Lifetime movie moment weren’t my mother’s first battles with the law or even the first time she 'went away' for a while. She had been in and out of jail most of my life, or just off doing something better than parenting. Instead, it was the first time she ever admitted the truth: she wouldn’t be coming back, and I couldn’t go with her.
Read full storyParenting Through Your Trauma
There is no such thing as a perfect parent. I said it loud for all the people in the back. It’s a truth; it took me too long to learn. Sixteen years, to be exact…. My daughter is turning 16 in a matter of days, and it is causing me a minor panic attack. I have been searching my soul for some words of wisdom to write in her card while trying not to break down. In my mind, she will keep this card forever; in reality, it will probably end up in a trash can.
Read full storyYour Teenage Daughter Really Does Love You
Especially when she acts like she doesn’t. Photo Credit: Paige Dahl Photo Taken by Avery Polen. There we were, my daughter and I, wandering around the dollar store. We had already searched Target. A trip to the party store happened a few minutes too late, as they had just closed. It was at this point she turned to me and said, “The dollar store is open, and my friend says they have some.”
Read full storyOur Beloved Country Was Attacked Today
Insurrection. Treason. Terrorists. I heard these words before Congress could make it past certifying the votes of the "A" states. The Temper Tantrum Thrower in Chief willfully and knowingly incited his protestors to violence today. There is no time left for pulling punches. It ended the moment that armed terrorists stormed the capitol building in his name.
Read full storyMy Rose-Colored Glasses Tainted The Way I Saw My Sister
My manner of braving the childhood trauma I faced created a fissure between my sister and me that shattered our relationship down to the foundation. Rose-colored glasses are never made in bifocals. Nobody wants to read the small print in dreams. -Ann Landers.
Read full storyWhat To Do When You Realize You Are Living The Wrong Life
Take a deep breath and don't panic. (Note to self: Hyperventilating in the car while parked at the library does not constitute breathing. You will not be alright if you keep doing that… you will pass out!)
Read full storyWhat it Feels Like When the Parents Who Abandoned You Die
I am a Type A person who believes in always progressing toward the future. I avoid backsteps like the plague. There is no point in dwelling on the past and things we can't change. Significantly, the most painful and unchangeable acts like parental abandonment or the death of a parent. However, with this story, I feel the need to tell it backward. Weird, I know. So it starts today: I'm 36, I've just finished my daily walk around the lake when the swing set, and a long-forgotten memory tugged at my brain. I decided that this swing set would be my office for the day.
Read full storyHow I Made the Agonizing Decision to Have Weight Loss Surgery in Mexico
Having elective surgery in another country seems a little risky, so why am I doing it? Well, I am having weight loss surgery in Mexico because I have been battling my weight for over 20 years.
Read full story3 Ways Leaders Can Help Their Employees Who Experienced Childhood Trauma
60% of adults have experienced an incident of childhood trauma. 15.6% score a four or higher on the ACE test*. Motivating employees who score more than a four on the ACE (adverse childhood experience) test, is a skill that business schools do not teach. It is a critical talent because more than half of the adult population has experienced trauma, and will have trauma-based reactions to workplace situations.
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